when you jsut don't have enough time, or quite have all the infomration forthe ppost you really want to do, go with a meme! thanks irish girl!
I AM: a smartass, plain and simple
I SAID: i would never set foot in CT again, but i did.
I WANT: to be happy and to have those around me happy as well
I WISH: big decisions were easy to make
I HATE: stress.
I MISS: all my friends that are so far away
I FEAR: spiders
I HEAR: keyboards clicking away and a meeting going on in the conference room.
I WONDER: what will happen with my job situation
I REGRET: the things that have happened with my mom
I AM NOT: confident anough
I DANCE: when i am happy.
I SING: in the car. always.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: subtle, especially when it counts
I MADE: a lot of really great canges in my life over the last few years
I WRITE: not as well as i wish i did
I SHOULD: be working instead of doing this!
I START: a new phase i my life.... soon
I FINISH: when i start out to do. most of the time!
I BELIEVE: everything happens for a reason, i have to. i've been through some really nasty things.
I KNOW: how lucky I am.
I CAN: learn just about anythig if i set my mind to it
I CANT: stand bing in a state of limbo
I SEE: without glasses now!
I BLOG: not enough. i'm not that interesting!
I READ: blogs, US weekly, books when it peaks my interest.
I AM AROUSED BY: my husband
IT PISSES ME OFF: when peopel try to make themselves feel superior by cutting others down
I FIND: if you take time to think things over the solution usually presents itself
I LIKE: sunshine and warm weather!
I LOVE: alex and evey part of my new family here.
5.30.2006
5.23.2006
much as i expected
remind me to never take the last appointment of the day again. we had to wait almost an hour. i totally understand that it happens though, i wasn't mad. just hungry, but aren't i always :) things get dicey if i don't get my afternoon snack.
anyway, so i really love my neurologist he's awesome. very old school, for lack of a better way to describe it. i mean, there he is with his computer bringing everything up on the screen but then he'll sit back and look at us and just say "so how are you? tell me how things are and how you've been feeling" it's just... nice! you know?
anyway... so nothing really new. he said my exam was really good and that i looked great and healthy and all that. we talked about my episodes of panic attacks -- we think that's what they were anyway -- and he made note and seemed intrigued. we talked about holding off on my next leg surgery. which really bums me out but i recognize it's not worth it right now and if he tells me to wait i'll wait.
things i did not expect? well when he was doing my eye tests he seemed not happy with something he saw in my right eye. he checked it a few times then asked me where the neuritis had been worse. i couldn't remember. how sad is that? so he looked it up and confirmed it had been the right. once he confirmed that he didn't elaborate any further but there was something. he could have just seen the scarring, but still. that caught me a little off guard.
the other thing is that he told us last time that i'd basically see him every 6 months, doing MRIs at 6 month or 1 year intervals depending on if i had a recurrence of any symptoms or anything new. so he scheduled a new set for july... ok. but the thing that threw me is that he made a follow up appointment with me for august following the set. last time he did not do that. it was just "i'll call if there's anything but i don't expect anything so don't worry about it" kind of thing. the fact that he's already scheduled the follow up, on top of the eye thing, makes me think that he's expecting to need to discuss something. especially since he did mention treatment... if the MRI shows anything.
yeah, i'm a worrier, i know. and maybe it's nothing, but it's enough of a shift in how it has been that makes me kind of pause to think about it.
anyway, so i really love my neurologist he's awesome. very old school, for lack of a better way to describe it. i mean, there he is with his computer bringing everything up on the screen but then he'll sit back and look at us and just say "so how are you? tell me how things are and how you've been feeling" it's just... nice! you know?
anyway... so nothing really new. he said my exam was really good and that i looked great and healthy and all that. we talked about my episodes of panic attacks -- we think that's what they were anyway -- and he made note and seemed intrigued. we talked about holding off on my next leg surgery. which really bums me out but i recognize it's not worth it right now and if he tells me to wait i'll wait.
things i did not expect? well when he was doing my eye tests he seemed not happy with something he saw in my right eye. he checked it a few times then asked me where the neuritis had been worse. i couldn't remember. how sad is that? so he looked it up and confirmed it had been the right. once he confirmed that he didn't elaborate any further but there was something. he could have just seen the scarring, but still. that caught me a little off guard.
the other thing is that he told us last time that i'd basically see him every 6 months, doing MRIs at 6 month or 1 year intervals depending on if i had a recurrence of any symptoms or anything new. so he scheduled a new set for july... ok. but the thing that threw me is that he made a follow up appointment with me for august following the set. last time he did not do that. it was just "i'll call if there's anything but i don't expect anything so don't worry about it" kind of thing. the fact that he's already scheduled the follow up, on top of the eye thing, makes me think that he's expecting to need to discuss something. especially since he did mention treatment... if the MRI shows anything.
yeah, i'm a worrier, i know. and maybe it's nothing, but it's enough of a shift in how it has been that makes me kind of pause to think about it.
5.19.2006
this always seems to come in spurts
i wish i was better about updating more regularly, but it's not like there's all that much going on.
i feel like i'm in a state of limbo right now. the magazine -- the last one i'm contracted to do -- was supposed to have been done over a month ago... and it STILL hasn't started! this is really going to start cutting into my good weather time. i'd much rather be working on it say, while we've had 17 days of rain and it's 50 degrees. ah, figures. i'd really like to think that this will be my last one. that i can give up that particular gig... but the money is so good for what it is. sure, it takes up my life while i'm working on it, but it's only really 3 months out of the year. decisions, decisions.
speaking of decisions i haven't made any in regard to jobs. our office moved last week. the new space is nice, definitely better than what we had. almost as cool as the space we used to have downtown when i worked here back in 99. i've certainly been busy, with one of the designers leaving. but do i want to stay here? I don't know. i really do think i'd like the new gig but that's in a weird place right now. i finished that one side project they gave me. they've offered me to work on another one. which i'm not sure i'd be able to do, assuming the magazine will start anyminutenow. i'd rather they just meet my number and i could take it. but the longer it takes the more i wonder, is that what i want to do? it's really the working from home thing. i'm not sure i'd want to do that 100% of the time. plus, looks like alex is going to become 100% working from home soon too. both of us, working from home 100%? i can see the advantages but we could also drive each other batty. we already spend an inordinate amount of time together. i'm sure people think we're nuts. but it works for us, so maybe that WOULD be good. eh. who knows. i have to wait until all the cards are on the table and then decide.
hopefully soon.
in other news that i've been completely ignoring, monday is my next checkup with the neurologist. *sigh* it's so much easier ot just ignore all that crap. i don't feel any differently and i haven't had any new symptoms so i'm pretty sure he'll send me for a new MRI series and then say see you in 6 months. and that would be totally fine with me to be honest. man, i'm so glad that i didn't accept my last neurologist diagnosis at face value. but that brings me to a point of contention. now, my last neurologist diagnosed me with MS. wanted to start me on the medication, the daily shots right away. i made an appointment after timeframe she gave us to "think it over" which was the week of the wedding ironically. oh yeah, got that lovely news as we were about to go drop the invitations in the mail. anyway... i never kept that appointment because i met with and love my new neurologist. but my point is this... given the fact that she diagnosed me with a progressive disease that needs aggressive preventative treatment to keep it in check.... and then i never came back.... shouldn't they CALL ME? shouldn't they CHECK ON ME to see how i am doing?
this is the second time in my life i've felt this way about a doctor. both instances are quite disturbing in my mind. i mean, maybe there's some reason they are not allowed to or something, but come on!!!
ugh. so anyway, that's all that's new really. it needs to get sunny. soon.
i feel like i'm in a state of limbo right now. the magazine -- the last one i'm contracted to do -- was supposed to have been done over a month ago... and it STILL hasn't started! this is really going to start cutting into my good weather time. i'd much rather be working on it say, while we've had 17 days of rain and it's 50 degrees. ah, figures. i'd really like to think that this will be my last one. that i can give up that particular gig... but the money is so good for what it is. sure, it takes up my life while i'm working on it, but it's only really 3 months out of the year. decisions, decisions.
speaking of decisions i haven't made any in regard to jobs. our office moved last week. the new space is nice, definitely better than what we had. almost as cool as the space we used to have downtown when i worked here back in 99. i've certainly been busy, with one of the designers leaving. but do i want to stay here? I don't know. i really do think i'd like the new gig but that's in a weird place right now. i finished that one side project they gave me. they've offered me to work on another one. which i'm not sure i'd be able to do, assuming the magazine will start anyminutenow. i'd rather they just meet my number and i could take it. but the longer it takes the more i wonder, is that what i want to do? it's really the working from home thing. i'm not sure i'd want to do that 100% of the time. plus, looks like alex is going to become 100% working from home soon too. both of us, working from home 100%? i can see the advantages but we could also drive each other batty. we already spend an inordinate amount of time together. i'm sure people think we're nuts. but it works for us, so maybe that WOULD be good. eh. who knows. i have to wait until all the cards are on the table and then decide.
hopefully soon.
in other news that i've been completely ignoring, monday is my next checkup with the neurologist. *sigh* it's so much easier ot just ignore all that crap. i don't feel any differently and i haven't had any new symptoms so i'm pretty sure he'll send me for a new MRI series and then say see you in 6 months. and that would be totally fine with me to be honest. man, i'm so glad that i didn't accept my last neurologist diagnosis at face value. but that brings me to a point of contention. now, my last neurologist diagnosed me with MS. wanted to start me on the medication, the daily shots right away. i made an appointment after timeframe she gave us to "think it over" which was the week of the wedding ironically. oh yeah, got that lovely news as we were about to go drop the invitations in the mail. anyway... i never kept that appointment because i met with and love my new neurologist. but my point is this... given the fact that she diagnosed me with a progressive disease that needs aggressive preventative treatment to keep it in check.... and then i never came back.... shouldn't they CALL ME? shouldn't they CHECK ON ME to see how i am doing?
this is the second time in my life i've felt this way about a doctor. both instances are quite disturbing in my mind. i mean, maybe there's some reason they are not allowed to or something, but come on!!!
ugh. so anyway, that's all that's new really. it needs to get sunny. soon.
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