12.07.2007

tis the season

we decided the best thing to do for the grandparents this year was to finally go get some professional photos taken of their favorite little man. alex's mom has been giving me jc penney portrait coupons every time i see her. you think they want some?

so this past weekend we were luck enough to set up a time with my friend who is an amazing photgrapher. she shot our wedding and i cherish all of those photos, they are unbelievable.

the ones from the shoot this weekend are no different. she shot almost 400(!) and retouched and put almost 200 in a web gallery for us to choose from. so many wonderful shots. i'll post a few once we get the cd. but i wanted to share this one. we had talked while were at the studio about how much wes has changed, and how he used to look just like his dad. when we got back i sent her my favorite photo of him as a newborn, with his dad and they look so much like each other. she sent back one of them from the shoot. my goodness how he's changed!

11.22.2007

thankful

when i think about how far i've come from the awful life i lived before moving to michigan (this time) i am so thankful. i am thankful for meeting alex, for the life we have. it's a so far away from where i was.

i am ever so thankful for our wonderful son. who amazes me eveyday with his charm, his curiosity and his love.

it's quite a thanksgiving this year.

someone is also 6 months old today. so much to be thankful for indeed.

11.13.2007

another visit down

my mother left last night.

it's so strange, that i don't hear from her for years and how she visits every other day. or so it feels like.

it would be ok i guess, if she was helpful? or helped us with, er, anything. all that happens is she is here, eats all our food, expects us to pay if we eat out. and hold wes as long as he doesn't cry basically. not all that helpful, i have to say.

she will only buy him things on her terms. we need a sippy cup and formula? well she'll buy him a santa hat. (or won't, i guess, i don't know where that went to... but she had every intention on it.)

ah well. it's over for now. for a few weeks... at least next time my dad is coming too.

as for the little man, he's got a cold. poor little thing. can't breathe through his nose so he's having a hard time sleeping. called his doctor yesterday morning to find out what i could give him to help him. turns out only saline nose spray. so anyone tried to give that to a 6 mo old? holy mother of god was that torture. my mom was gone, alex was out for boys night and i had a SCREAMING screaming screaming baby on my hands. i have never ever heard this child scream as loud or as long as he did after the nose spray. i almost called the doctor. but i was afraid they'd send us to the ER so i opted to call alex instead. as he one of the guys he was out with is a father to a 3yo and 6 week old. i was yelling into the phone trying to have him hear me over wes to "just ask him! ask if he ever used nose drops, ASK!"

he called back to say, yes. and his son hated them but they were necessary. put them in and tip him back so they go in. so against my better judgment i put in more drops and tipped his little head back. either the tipping worked or he finally gave up because he passed out for a little while.

and so did i because that cold? we now share it.

anyway, i promised another picture from halloween. remember that holiday? seems like a long time ago. oh well, i'll post em anyhow. he's still cute.









11.01.2007

happy halloween

doesn't he look thrilled?

he was actualyl a really good sport. more deatils and pictures later!

10.31.2007

boo!

and this isn't even his costume. i can't wait to put him in it. we brought it to daycare because the Best Daycare Provider Ever that we have asked us to. She wants to take a group picture of all the kids dressed up. How cute will that be?

he was mad because i had just put on his orange striped socks. the kid hates socks. he can get them off in 2.5 seconds.

10.30.2007

must every call to the doctor end in a trip to the ER?

that's what alex asked me the other day after i returned from the ER with our little guy.

it sure does seem that way. we've called off-hours twice and we've ended up in the ER twice. this time the little guy had been losing his food out of both ends and they wanted me to be sure he wasn't dehydrated. he wasn't. but it's still such a process. poor man. he hasn't been eating well, but can you blame him? as soon as he eats it comes back out. i hate that i can't wave my magic wand and fix him. we just need to wait it out. sigh.

pumpkin carving was fun, i'll post pictures when i have them. always great to hang out with good friends. we were going to do a little photo shoot with wes and pumpkins and leaves but it was, again, a dreary rainy day. the afternoon we spent in the ER was, of course, lovely. at least he's fine, if a little under the weather.

we have found the trick to him sleeping again is to be in bed with us. i would read about people who had their babies in bed with them and always though we'd NEVER do that. ha! the best laid plans... clearly he'll be sleeping with us until he's 15 but the key word there is SLEEPING. oh how i've missed it.

speaking of, someone was tuckered out after the hospital.

10.25.2007

soggy

it's time for pumpkins again this year. last year we went picking with a lovely group of friends. we had really just found out we were going to be having a baby and we hadn't told anyone yet. when we were picking out our pumpkins alex leaned over and whispered to me that we should also get one for the little monkey. of course i couldn't resist.



this year we went with the same group. it was so different. the little baby that one friend had last year is now running around. we have wes and another friend has her new little girl (5 weeks old!) so it was a pretty cool thing. except see how sunny and wonderful it was last year? not so much this year. it started pouring as soon as we got to the pumpkin patch. you see wes is all snug in his sling next to his dad (really he's in there) but i had just gotten over an illness and we weren't properly dressed for the weather so the three of us ended up hanging out in the car while everyone else trekked out for their pumpkins. i think it was the right choice for us but i was still disappointed. i know wes is too little to care. next year will be more fun.

i plan to take lots of photos at the carving party this weekend, let's hope for nicer weather!

10.17.2007

rock star

we're loving food over here. i tell you, i never thought he was going to be a huge kid, but at the rate he's going... i dunno. he loves rice cereal. isn't it supposed to be gross? aren't kids supposed to hate it? he much prefers it to the bananas, apples or carrots we've tried. and he prefers it thick. he's definitely got his own thing going on.

and i couldn't resist the onesie.








10.11.2007

my lollipop

so the head thing? he's fine of course. just had a big head. i like to think it's because he's smart, naturally. :)

his new trick is squealing. loud. and it makes me laugh which just makes him do it more. and the eating thing? he's got that down. he's going to be a little battle tank.

i do feel like he's getting to a new level though, one where he knows how much he can't do yet and it's making him frustrated. he wants to move. he wants to get into things and he just can't really yet. and he hates it. is it wrong that it's kind of cute? ah well, all in good time. i know it goes so fast. i mean, we already had to buy him a convertible car seat as his infant one was barely holding him in. and with a coat? forget it. and with the weather going from 93 to 50 in 2 days, it's time for coats. and sneakers, and the cute hat his aunt made him.

10.02.2007

mr. big head

my posts are so few and far between these days. work has been insanely busy and i just don't have any interest in being on the computer when i don't have to be.

today marked our second trip to the hospital with the little man. for an appointment at least, and not for an emergency. he had his 4 month check up last week and it was all good. except his percentiles jumped a lot. he went from being in the 15th or so overall to 50th in height and 75th in weight and 90th in head circumference. the latter is what caused us to be at the hospital today.

i guess a jump in head percentile can mean there's a fluid blockage somewhere. maybe. even though developmentally he's at least on par if not ahead of the game. and since his other areas did also increase, this was more precautionary. i guess since he's still got a good soft spot all he needed was an ultrasound. if we waited and they needed to check then it would lead to an mri with sedation. yeah, i'll take the ultrasound, thanks.

so here's my not-so-little man with his giant noggin in the jumper for the first time. he loves it.

9.07.2007

because i am tired...

i'm going to post the email i just sent all my friends...

***

Most of you know what's been going on this week, some of you are probably just wondering why I disappeared.. in any rate, here's the lowdown on the little man.

Monday he was acting a bit out-of-sorts for him, and was pretty cranky throughout the day. We mostly thought it was gas, as that's the only thing that really upsets him. We did a bunch of running around an dig he wasn't sleeping he was kind of whining or generally unhappy. We skipped out plans for the evening and brought him home thinking he was tired/hot/whatever and that settling in would benefit him. Most of the day he would take his bottle but not really eat anything.

By 10 or so we were knew something wasn't right as he was unable to be consoled, but I took his temperature and it was normal. We talked about calling the doctor but what would we say? He's a little crabby, no temp, he's still eating and peeing..? But still, for him it wasn't right. At any rate by midnight he was clearly getting more worked up and I took his temp again to find it was 102.9, the peditrician was called immediately who sent us to the ER.

In triage his tempt was up to 103.3 on their system and we were brought into a room. The doctor, Jake, and the nurse, Lindsay, were really great. They did some basic tests and since there wasn't really anything obvious (ear infection, etc...) they said they wanted to take some blood. At this point I was still thinking that they'd give him some medicine and we'd go home.

Next thing I know they are talking xrays and when we'd be admitted. This was a bit of a shock to us. Since he's so young and has only had some of is shots, they needed to be extra careful with him. We had to get him a chest xray (I had to hold down his arms!) and they took blood but after giving him an IV(two tries! I hope the poor kid doesn't end up with his mom's crappy veins) and a catheterization. They kept telling us they hoped to find the reason for the fever in these tests because if they didn't they had to look for worse things and no one wanted that. So when, a short time later they cheerfully told us everything was negative I didn't share the joy! Because the next item on the list was a spinal tap to rule out a bacterial infection which could be deadly to him. They tried TWICE unsuccessfully in the ER and I'm pretty certain I'm still quite traumatized by this, luckily he doesn't remember.

After this we moved up to our room. I remember looking at the pediatric unit when we were there a few months ago and hated the look of the giant metal cribs... so I wasn't too pleased to be there ourselves such a short time later!

Anyway, they needed to try the tap again and this time they took him away, but were successful at least. They had him on IV antibiotics and fluids and had given him some motrin so at least he was resting. Poor guy. That's when they told us we needed to stay a minimum of 48 hours to watch all the cultures.

Well then, that was a shock! Let's say it was a long 4 days all in all but that his fever is down, nothing ever came back positive and the most they can come up with is that it's some random virus which could have been residue from our flight, or just someone (anyone) not washing their hands well enough before touching him. He needs to stay home from daycare, and we just need to be SUPER diligent in all that comes in contact with him.

Of course the whole ordeal left the poor guy set way back in his sleep progress. At the hospital he'd only sleep when held (mostly by me) which I totally understand... but last night we was up every 2 hours. The poor dude was so tired but couldn't stay awake long enough to eat enough to stay asleep. It was like he was a newborn all over again! Oh, and as an added bonus his eczema flared from being there too. We seem to have that batter already, just from the normal routine and being home, but sheesh!

We follow up the pediatrician at 11am today to see what's up, and if there's any more news to tell I'll share.

So that's where we've been all week!

***


edited to add... just got back from the doctor and all appears to be good. also? he's huge! 15.3 pounds!!! and he's all clear for daycare for monday.

8.29.2007

3 months old?

when did that happen? that seems to be all i'm saying these days, isn't it?

let's go over the highlights:


  • schedule still going well with work.

  • we took our first PLANE RIDE for my annual company get-together

  • he sleeps on average 7 hours a night. in a row.



can you believe it? i sure can't.

everyone that met him at the retreat loved him instantly. of course. he's so chill and laid back. he only got upset when he was over tired. which was easily remedied. flying was cake, alex and i are a rockin' team. on the flight there he nursed on take off and landing and slept during the flight. on the way home he nursed on take off then fell asleep and stayed asleep through landing, deplaning, baggage pick-up, the trek to the car, the drive home, everything.

his nh grandparents were happy to see him. it was my dad's first time meeting him, so he was pretty psyched. overall i think it was a pretty successful trip! go us!

not much else to say. he's got pretty good head control but no rolling or anything quite yet, but soon. and with the amount of drool he produces, i'm wondering how far away teeth are going to be!

here's mister smiley after his lotion application post-bath. we couldn't ask for anyone better!

8.01.2007

back to work

i can't believe how fast 10 weeks have passed.

i started work again this monday. and, trust me, i know how lucky we are to both be working at home. originally, we had planned to keep wes home with us until he got mobile. but then we started thinking... if i couldn't manage to check my email sporadically with him home all day, how was i going to work?

so we started looking into daycares. first of all, i hate the thought of starting him this soon. i do. and no centers do part time we found out. at least not the kind of part time we wanted (mornings or afternoons as opposed to only 2 full days a week). then my SIL told me about this service here in MI where you can fill out a form with the type of daycares and locations you are looking for and then send you back a list of all the licensed ones that match your criteria.

lo and behold a few days later my email had this nice list of in-home licensed daycares RIGHT HERE IN OUR SUB! perfection!

having no other way to narrow, we started narrowing simply by daycare names. we're not particularly religious, so ones like "heavenly hands of god" got weeded out pretty quickly. (i have nothing against it, it's just not our thing).

we settled on one and called. ok, alex called. i have a huge phone phobia. it's bizarre and strange. just let it go. so we set up an appointment and went.

it was perfect. she's about our age. has two boys (3 and 5) and only watched one other girl (9 mos). plus her older son is starting school in the fall. and, of course, she fell i love with wes immediately, obviously.

oh, and the best part? we could do any schedule we wanted. so we opted for the 4-hour a day, part time option and he goes from 8:30-12:30 every day.

and can i tell you it's been better than imagined? she's so great and loves him and keeps him stimulated and busy all morning so that when we pick him up, i feed him and then he naps FOR THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON. and this doesn't even mess up his night tie sleeping. in fact, he's pretty much on a schedule now. who knew!

of course now i've cursed it.

so, basically, the transition seems to be working.

and now i even have a little helper!



7.24.2007

wesley

i can't believe the little guy is already 9 weeks old. where has the time gone?

i had wanted to post about his birth, but it seems like a lifetime ago. i still want to get it up though, in case i forget the details. although now that seems unlikely.

at any rate... as i had said we dropped my mother off at the airport about 6pm. about 8 our friend brent came over to watch the pistons game with us and to bring some of alex's favorite pizza. and even as i ate a slice i remember thinking, i hope this doesn't come back to haunt my later. i had been having contractions a little around then but since i had pretty much been having them for weeks i didn't think much of it. we started watching the game and they were coming a lot harder and faster. but again, this wasn't unusual or me. i started to get uncomfortable and decided to head up to bed. it was around 9:30. i figured i'd take the doctor's advice and take some benadryl and lay down. as i had been doing about every night for 2 weeks. about 30 minutes later i realized that not only wasn't i asleep but these contractions were a lot more painful than the ones that had gotten me admitted previously. but after having been admitted twice, i was a little gun shy about heading to the hospital.

at any rate, i decided to call down for alex and tell him that something was going on. he sent brent home and then we debated about calling the doctor. once i stopped being able to talk to him we called and waited for a call back... and waited... and waited. it was probably about 10:30 and i was now quite vocal with each contraction. alex decided it was time to go and i found that i had a really hard time walking at this point. i got into the car and we took the longest 10 minute ride tot he hospital ever. i know he hit every red light and felt so helpless as i was writing in pain and moaning really loudly.

when we got there he pulled up to the door and ran in for a wheel chair. their was a woman at the desk that took me as he went to park and wheeled me to the elevator. i remember her asking if we should wait for him and i was like "no! he knows where to go!" but somehow he came bolting into the lobby right before the doors closed. when we got to the floor, it was, of course, crowded. the last two times it had been deserted. he filed out the papers as i tried not to be too loud with the waiting room full. i remember wondering why it was taking them so long to get me into triage.

once we were in it was really hard to get undressed as the contractions were coming practically on top of each other. there was no break at all between them. when they finally checked me, i was already 6cm dilated. that made me think two things immediately. one, this was real and they were going to keep me this time. and, two, i hope to god i wasn't going to miss my window of opportunity for an epidural.

they started moving quicker to get me over to l&d. they ended p having to wheel me down on the gurney as i couldn't move enough to walk or get into the wheelchair. i kept asking about the epidural and they kept assuring me that i was "doing amazing!" i kept thinking this is their way of telling me it's too late! and then the anesthesiologist appeared. it was a few moments after she got the epidural in that the whole thing became a much different experience. i was smiling at my nurses who i hadn't even been able to look at before. i had no pain. and even better was the news that my contractions were still regular and strong and that now it was time for us to get some rest, as it was still going to be hours. and i needed to get all my energy together for the hours of pushing ahead.

i had just gotten comfortable when barely minutes later i opened my eyes to 6 people standing over me. apparently the baby wasn't recovering fast enough after the contractions for their liking and they wanted to put in an internal monitor. sounded ok to me. only when they did it they told me "you're fully dilated, it's time to push."

what? what happened to the hours it was going to take to get there? what about my nap? i couldn't believe it was happening so fast. but since i had just gotten the drugs, i couldn't yet eel my legs enough to get into position to push, so they had to wait. it was a surreal experience having the nurse and alex there, just hanging out, and the doctor and med student hanging out by the end of the bed. my doctor was sitting on the bed massaging me and just chatting with everyone. the lights were low and it was really so surreal. where were the frantic births you see on tv? i asked the doctor what was going on and apparently the baby's head was visible and "there's a lot of hair."

next thing i knew it was time to push. they told me when i had a contraction and there were 3 pushes for every contraction. because the baby was slow to recover they had me push every other contraction. by the second set, suddenly half the bed was gone, the doctors were covered in protective clothing and in position. the third set was about to begin. halfway through the second push she told me to stop pushing. i panicked and asked why... and then i heard him cry. that was it. it was that easy. next think i know i hear "it's a boy" and he's on my chest.

the rest was a blur. i vaguely knew alex was cutting the cord, there some talk about placenta, but there he was. and i couldn't believe it.

***

it's been a crazy two months since he's been part of our family. we know his cries (mostly gas), how to make him happy (walks in his pouch and nursing) and what he hates (baths). there's been some disappointments, like that i can't produce enough milk (1/2 ounce at best), but we still nurse, because he likes it. he's almost doubled in size how and has the little pudgy cheeks and thighs. the best thing is that he's starting to smile. i don't care how tired you are and how much you'd rather be sleeping then getting a bottle at 3am, when he looks at you with that big gummy grin there's truly nothing greater.

i'm sad that this is my last week on maternity leave. i can't believe i have to start work again. i know we have it better than most, both working at home. and that my boss is going to work with me as we figure out the schedule and how its' all going to work, but it's still hard. i don't think i'd like to not work, but it still seems so very soon to be starting.

the next big challenge we'll have to face is our first flight as a family next month. yikes!

5.25.2007

quickly...

here are a few photos, the rest are still on the camera...

my mother comes back tomorrow. *sigh*






5.24.2007

he's here!

i have the smartest child ever. i dropped my mother off at he airport at 6:30pm. contractions started at 8, and we were admitted by 11pm. he was born at 3:54am. here's the pertinent info:

wesley michael
may 22, 2007
5lbs 4.5oz
19in long

and he's perfect. he's got so much hair! so dark, so long and curly. he's definitely got his dad's hair. i hope he doesn't lose it.

everything was so... easy. and fast. it's all really surreal. we go home today, in a few hours. alex has run out to grab a few things then we'll wrap up and head home. then it all gets real!

i'll document the story with pictures soon. :)

5.21.2007

the good, the bad, and the... same

38 week check up today. and i'm STILL THE SAME. this kid so doesn't want to come out. nevermind i have contractions constantly and regularly and now work with a heating pad strapped to my back. oh yeah, i'm that cool.

nevermind the fact that every week i go they always tell me, "next week we can help you." as in, when i was admitted at 36 weeks, they'd break my water... if i was 37 weeks. then when i was admitted at 37 weeks, they'd induce me... if i was 38 weeks. then i kid you not alex and i burst out laughing when they told me today that 39 weeks was when they could think about intervening.

although my appointment today was with my all time favorite doctor, who was on call the second time i was admitted. who came in even though he didn't have to to see me. he kind of walked in the exam room sheepishly and was like "hey guys... how ya doin?" it was cute. then while we listened to the heart he asked if we were renaming the kid to "stubborn." i do love him. i hope he delivers this kid. you know, if it ever happens.

i was a little concerned about having lost about 5 lbs over the last week and a half. but he said it wasn't cause for concern. so that's good, i guess.

the best news though? MY MOTHER IS LEAVING TONIGHT. in a few hours no less. after my appointment last week she bought a ticket for today (since i had another appointment) if there was "no change." she wasn't all too pleased when i told her we were going to the appointment alone. yes, that's right, she insisted on coming last week. that was fun. really the biggest reason is that i wanted to take whatever the docotor did say and play it up in my favor to her.

for example, he said they wouldn't induce me (without anything happened on my end) until 41 weeks. i definitely played that up with her. saying basically that he thought i was going to need it. she was supposed to come back on saturday but i suggested she wait until WE CALL HER like i told her in the first place. and we'll of course call her just a little bit too late, if you know what i'm saying.

we are so delighted to be alone again tonight. and that we're going to do everything we can to encourage this baby to come SOON. before she has a chance to get back here. she has been... trying. and we really do want to do this on our own.

5.17.2007

i hate waiting

i think alex and i are probably two of the most impatient people on the planet. we're planners and doers and hate the limbo phase. i remember with the wedding, we had everything we could possibly have done, done with a few months to spare and then we had to wait. and wait. and it was excruciating.

that's how we both feel now. only worse.

i know, i know. only a few more weeks at most. but i think because i progressed so far so quickly it's doubly irritating. of COURSE i want what's best for the baby, and clearly monkey isn't ready to make an appearance. i used to think people who planned c-sections were crazy. but i swear it makes so much more sense to me now! (not that i'm going to do it, but, you know.)

next appointment is monday. my mother bought a ticket home for monday night. she says she'll use it if there's no indication of any progress and will come back after. i feel bad about the whole thing, but i did tell her initially that it would be better to wait. but still... having her here is... ok. my limit with visits with her were always 3 days before i got irritated and needed it to end. we're on day 6 now. and considering how miserable i am on top of everything else, it's not so bad.

5.16.2007

forgot to say

i had my regular check-up yesterday. all the stats are, unfortunately, the same. the room was about 300 degrees and i was totally dying.

the doctor was really nice, i liked her. she gaveme some tips to help me be more comfortable. although she did say they wouldn't help me until 38 weeks. *sigh*

i'm still having contractions, but not like they were. and she said that they need to be way worse than what i've had. and to stay home as long as i possibly could stand it, if i wanted to avoid being sent home again. makes sense, but sheesh.

now if only my water would break... :)

it can't be that much longer...right? right?!!?

5.14.2007

the only thing worse...

than the other night is it happening all over again.

i was havng major contractions all day yesterday. after 10 hours of them and having them be less than 2 minutes apart for about 2 hours, and walking and hydrating and talking to the doctor (my favorite one was on call! i thought it was a sign!) we went back in. (all three of us, since my mom is here now) and they kept me again. and this time gave me morphine and a sleeping pill to rest as it was about 10pm by then.

and then let me go at 5am. i was so exhausted (sleeping pill/morphine really did nothing) and frustrated and overwhelmed i was just sobbing for hours. it was fun. the resitdent was a jerk and said things like "why are you so upset?" but not in a nice way. she needs to work on her bedside manner...

at any rate... who knows what's going on now. they led me to believe at 37 weeks they would help me along (today) but that wasn't the case.

so here i am, utterly exhausted, disappointed, frustrated and still dealing with the contractions. oh, and whiling away my maternity leave already. fab.

5.11.2007

frustration

so, last night was had our pain management class at the hospital. i had also been there earlier for a doctor appointment and i kept telling monkey that hey, we were there, it was a good time! of course, to no avail.

the class went until after 9pm so when we got home i was pretty tired. alex went downstairs to watch the pistons/bulls game on the tivo and i got into bed and started watching some tv myself. i started to drift off, as usual around 10 or so.

then i was woken up by a contraction. i thought it was weird, but didn't think much of it, until i drifted off and it happened again. and again. and again. and i realized that these were different contractions, and clearly stronger as they were waking me up. i started paying attention to the timing and realized they were about 8 minutes or so apart. this went on until well after midnight when alex came to bed. surprised to find me awake, i let him know what was going on. the poor guy was so exhausted he was like, "ok, well let me get some sleep and we'll see what happens" which isn't exactly the reaction i expected. i realized they were coming much more frequently at this point and told him so and said, hey maybe we should be paying more attention to this... and then we realized they were 3 minutes apart. and they stayed that way for at least another half and hour. that's when he went into panic mode and i went into denial!

he called the ob's office and found out the one on call is the ONE we hadn't met yet (of course!) and that she'd call us back. 40 minutes later we were antsy. had the rest of the "last minute items" packed in the bag and were wondering what we should do. she finally called back, well after 1am (she had been in surgery -- whatever!) and told us to head on in.

the 10 minute drive to the hospital was so surreal. it seemed to take forever. and as much as i had been wanting to baby to come and come NOW i was freaking out a little bit, i'll admit.

we got into triage and they hooked me all up to everything and we realized the contractions were now less than two minutes apart. the doctor said i was 4cm, 80% effaced and -1 station. she asked if i would mind if she broke my water. i honestly wasn't sure what to say to that, but she said that they'd admit me, they'd monitor me for about another 20 minutes then we'd decide. at this point, it all seemed to be happening so fast! i felt horrible for alex who was clearly so exhausted/excited at this point. i was so sidetracked by the contractions i forgot how tired i was. we were even discussing epidurals at this point.

they moved us into a labor and delivery room. and i got all hooked up again and we waited. things were staying the same. she checked me about 2:30 and i was still the same stats. that's when she started backing off of the breaking of the water. i am 36w5d and since i wasn't a full 37 weeks they determined that they wouldn't stop me, but wouldn't help me along either.

at this point they decided i should try to get some rest. alex pulled out his little bed and i laid in the dark, breathing through the contractions that were still quite painful and regular. i considered asking about an epidural again when the doctor came back in.

well, as i got more fluids in me, the contractions started to die down somewhat. it was about 6am and they wanted me to get up and walk around to get things moving again. for 2 hours. we lapped the floor, looked at the babies in the nursery. talked to the nurses who were encouraging me on. i even started doing walking lunges down the deserted hallway, no joke.

the shift change came at 8am. the new doctor examined me. and my stats were still all the same. and then? they decided to send me home. the deemed the whole thing false labor.

i did not imagine once admitted that i'd be leaving that hospital with monkey still inside me. we got home around 9:30am disappointed, frustrated and tired.

and my contractions have basically stopped.

and the best part? we had called my mother around 5am to let her know what was happening. when i was discharged i called her to tell he and she told me she moved up her flight. she'll be here in the morning.

and that's that.

5.10.2007

last night

last night i was able to have dinner with alovely, lovely woman and friend who helped me sort out my feeling about my mom deciding to come. after i left i had decided that i would tell her it would be best if she waited a bit to come. that alex and i needed to figure out things and settle in. and really? i just want it to be the two of us going to the hospital and being together at first. is that so wrong?

i felt good about it. my mom had called me duting dinner, but i figured i'd talk to her after. upon leaving the restaurant i checked my voicemail. she had left a message letting me know that she had BOUGHT HER TICKET FOR THIS SUNDAY, ONE WAY, OPEN-ENDED.

i have to say, i was in shock. not only is that in a few days (and i could potentially not have this baby for another month) but, um, hello? maybe check with us before buying a plane ticket!!?!?

i haven't seen my mother since the vegas debacle which was christmas 2005. and soon she'll be here. indefinitely.

i'm willing this baby be born before sunday. please, please let that happen.

5.09.2007

today's verdict

at least 3cm dilated and 75% effaced.

IF i went until my due date the baby would be about 7-7.5lbs.

although he didn't commit to saying i'd be early, how can it be three more weeks?

my mom is deciding when she wants to come out. i'm ready for monkey, i'm not sure i'm ready for her...

at any rate, here's the nursery as it stands now. we're getting a valence, and i still need to paint leaves on that flower "stem" and bees on the walls and hand the shelves and that cute little monkey picture thing alex found. but i'm not sure everything is arranged the way i want it yet though... cuz i'm fickle like that.






5.08.2007

waiting...

so close, yet so far still... i really am ready for this little one to make an appearance. i have a new leg problem. i think the little one is on a nerve or something because now my right leg will just spasm, hurt like hell, and give out simultaneously. it's quite fun. you can imagine what i look like when this happens! and if that weren't enough, my air bed, my godsend, my love... DIED. it will no longer hold inflation. no idea why. it's not a good thing at all! we're had it less than 2 months, this really isn't fair. it couldn't hold out a few more weeks? rrrr.

in fun news, i had been trying to convince my husband we should get some cleaning help. mainly because i really suck at it (i'm not a very good housewife at all) and i'll admit, i used the baby as a bargaining chip. as in, people will be visiting and he really doesn't want me doing alllllll thaaaaaat work, does he? ok, that makes me sound bad, but seriously, we got a great referral. that was totally beyond reasonable. but he still didn't seem on board. but that little sneak went behind my back and sent it up to surprise me. she comes tomorrow! i'm excited! but also scared. i mean, i know our house isn't so horrible, but i feel like it is. i have to hold myself back from cleaning in advance. luckily my leg will help that.

i also realized i hadn't really shared any pictures of my belly. weird. wasn't intentional. although it's much cuter clothed. you really don't want to see it otherwise. trust me.

so here's a point of comparison... since everyone keeps telling me i'm not big enough to be due in a few weeks.

here's 8 weeks versus about 35. what do you think?

4.30.2007

any time now

just got back from our 35 week appointment. had the first check of how things are really going, since i've been having mad contractions. at least 50% effaced and 2cm dilated. apparently the contractions i'm having are being very effective and monkey is in perfect position (did you really expect less? ha!)

he said he has a few patients that are already past their due dates that aren't in as good of shape as i am already.

i think we're definitely looking at a may baby... woah!

4.23.2007

i laugh in the face of uncomfortable

ha ha ha HA.

remember when i said i was uncomfortable? that was before what i started what i assume are braxton-hicks contractions. and before i realized i have zero clothes to wear for the sudden 80 degree weather. not that i'm complaining about the warm weather. not at all. but hot flashes plus long sleeve shirts, plus 80 degree weather? not fun. also when you have to go to a birthday party where there are about 40 people jammed into a little room without proper ventilation or cooling on said 80 degree day.

ah well. it's all good. it was actually really interesting seeing the "other" side of the family yesterday. (alex's dad's side, we don't get to see them often enough). every person there could not believe i only have SIX WEEKS left because i am "so tiny." i'm not sure who they were looking at, but... whatev. all except his dad. who proclaimed that i was "so big" now. uh, i guess that's better? it was cute when he got there that he came up to me with open arms... to wrap around my belly to say hello to monkey. yeah, no one cares about me anymore :)

the sad part for me was that everyone was asking when my shower was because they wanted to come. well, i have one THIS WEEKEND but it's more for my friends and alex's sisters/mom (yes his mom is coming after all). the two sides always stay kind of separate so i never thought of asking them to come. plus, they all stay in the detroit area and don't venture over to where we are much. but it didn't help me feel any less uncomfortable. we've decided after monkey arrives we'll have a little get together for that side of the family.

anyhow, so said clothes crisis (yes, it had me in tears on saturday morning) led to a trip to the maternity store in the mall (since the only old navy maternity is kind of a haul) where my husband (bless his patience) spent what had to be an hour bringing stuff to me in the dressing room. none of which fit correctly. also, i refuse to spend full-price for ridiculously over-priced clothing that will barely wear. yeah, i know. after all that we left with a pair of capris. they're great, but sheesh. that's it?

in other news, the nursery is still jammed with crap. the guest room still isn't done. (although it's close! i've been promised i can expect it to be done by this weekend). and i am looking forward to my little shower this weekend. should be fun!

4.16.2007

33 weeks

today i'm 33 weeks along. when did that happen? seriously? my word.

we had a doctor appointment this morning. with the doctor that criticized my weight last time. i hadn't said anything to my regular doctor (although i kind of wanted to), and i wasn't really looking forward to seeing this doctor again. (especially after the chocolate bunny incident, which we don't really need to go into...ahem.)

at any rate, after chatting and listening to the heartbeat he tells me that everything is perfect, even my weight. he then said that he apologized for being "bad cop" last time i saw him, but that he was pleased to see when i was. huh. go figure.

at any rate, next appointment in 2 weeks when they will check my cervix (!!) and see where things are headed. holy crap that sounds so... final. doesn't it? man.

in other news, alex's mom bought us our travel system yesterday. we put together the stroller last night. that makes things real. looking at them in the store is one thing. actually driving it around our living room and then loading into your trunk (proving to your husband you're not a weakling and really CAN lift it all my yourself, even 8 months pregnant) is something entirely different.

we also have a breast feeding class tonight. we picked a pediatrician. you know, i think this is really going to happen.

4.12.2007

uncomfortable

i've hit the very uncomfortable phase i think. monkey seems so big, so heavy. i can't tie my shoes, or even put them on that well. sleeping is becoming an issue again. my maternity clothes are starting to be too small... and it's friggin snowing -- HARD -- in mid-april, which not only is depressing but i'm sick again too.

and as ready as i am to be done with pregnancy, we're so not ready to have the baby at home. yes, yes, i know it will all work out... but someone *ahem* seems to have lost his drive on finishing the upstairs. this means that the guest room is empty, with no floor and all the crap (and i mean CRAP, the guest room used to be our we-have-nowhere-to-put-this-so-dump-it-in-there room) that was in the (larger) guest room previously is jammed into the nursery. yes, the nursery. the nursery that i so desperately want to finish. that i want to paint bees on the walls, that i want to make up the crib... that i want to hang little clothes in... that i just generally want READY. and i can't do a thing about it.

he was supposed to work on it this weekend. and even admitted he's feeling very far behind in preparations. problem? a friend of his (who is going through a divorce) is coming up from ohio this weekend. and our week-from-hell (classes! appts! doctors!) starts this weekend too... so basically, another weekend shot.

i'm frustrated. i don't know what to do. i'd work on it myself, but i can't.

oh, and my ob appt this coming monday? they scheduled me with the doctor who criticized me about my weight when i saw him. can't wait! (and yes, that means i'm obsessing. i can't help it...)

4.02.2007

but i don't like teal...




You Are Teal Green



You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you.

Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible.

While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks.

Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

3.28.2007

par for the course

well i talked to my mom. for an hour and a half last night.

it went much as i expected. that is, we didn't address anything.

i wanted to take my cures from her, since she was the one who initiated the contact. she hadn't been feeling well (bronchitis) so we talked about that a little, then it basically turned into a catch up session. there were a few "digs" here and there, but it was mostly how i remember talking to her being. a lot about her, and not so much about anything i had to say. same ol, same ol.

the only reference to us not talking (oh, besides her asking me where i work now -- i've been at my new job 8 months) was when she mentioned she had been having lots of dreams about grandpa (her dad, the one i was really, really close to my entire life and i still miss terribly) and i mentioned i had too. and her theory for this was that he was trying to tell us we needed to talk. that was kinda sweet, in her way.

she also asked if i wanted her to come out when the baby was born.

when it was time to go, it was a little awkward. there was a weird pause then she was like "bye" and that was it. uh, ok.

then she called me this morning, to tell m e they think she has pneumonia now. for the record, we used to talk every single morning on my ride into work (when i had one) about whatever. so this was an old pattern. she did however say that she was glad we talked yesterday and that she had missed talking to me.

so, that's all i got.

3.27.2007

sunshine and breezes

man, i've thought for awhile that i have some form of S.A.D. and i have to believe it's true. my attitude the last few days had done a complete 360. not that i was in a particularly bad mood, but it's amazing that sitting in my new office (with my gargantuan new monitor that i have yet to hook up but clearly is much too large for my desk..) next to the windows, with them WIDE OPEN at 8am, sunshine pouring in, birds chirping and a cool breeze coming in is amazing.

please don't take it away.

i know the weather is supposed to turn again, but i will stay in my state of bliss as long as i can. although the crash is going to be rough.

proof that my attitude is totally different? i'm not at all phased by two things that would normally have me all grumpy and moody. one, i woke up with a cold. and two, i'm going to be talking to my mother this evening.

i should have plenty to say tomorrow.

3.26.2007

what's going on with mothers?

mine "wants to talk"

more to come as it develops...

happenings

let's talk about my MIL.

she's great, i love her to pieces. she just spent over two months in france with alex's old brother, wife and 2 kids that live there. apparently the wife was suffering from some pretty major PPD and they were in desperate need of help (kids just turned 1 and 3). so she dropped everything and flew over to help. no small feat for an almost 70-year-old with a bad hip and no hearing in one ear to be taking care of 2 small ones by herself, in a foreign country, in a small 2 bedroom apt that is a 4th floor walk up.

we'd email and she'd reassure me that she's be back in plenty of time for the birth, etc, although i wasn't concerned about it, i knew she would be, but the gesture was sweet.

so, that brings us to this past week. she just got back about a week ago. last thursday, alex says to me "oh i got an email from (SIL) who didn't want to tell you directly, but she talked to mom and she can't come to the shower anymore. (SIL) thought you'd be upset, but i told her you would be ok."

now, i hate to say it, but i'm not. i'm hurt. i was practically in tears. i blame it mostly on hormones, but here's the think. my MIL isn't going to come to the shower because the play group that she volunteers for had play practice that day. so she's going to that. she's not in the play, she's a co-producer or something, but that really upset me. i understand the shower isn't an emergency, or anything, but is it too much ot ask to have one grandmother there?? alex said something like "well she did leave them high and dry when she went to france, so..." and i understand commitments, i do... but i'm still upset about it.

SIL is livid and is trying to get her to come. but now the part of me that says "well clearly she's made her choice and i don't want her to come if she doesn't want to" had kicked in. sigh.

3.21.2007

what i didn't need to hear

yesterday was week 29/30 OB appointment. it was with one of the doctors we had not yet met. he seemed nice enough. we listened to the heartbeat. he told me all my tests well all fine, everything was perfect. he even indulged me in telling me which way monkey was facing, just because i was curious.

then as we were wrapping things up, telling me we were moving to the every-two-week appointments now he tells me that i should be careful. careful of what you may ask? MY WEIGHT. this caught me a little by surprise. apparently, gaining 20 pounds so far is cause for caution? with 10 weeks or so left? man alive, i thought i had done well! my goal was to stay under 35 and i figured i was right on track. he told me that "i would be happier if i stayed with a weight gain under 30." oh, would i? thanks for the news flash.

now, i try very hard not to obsess about weight and i will be honest that gaining weight is weird for me, given my history. however, with the circumstances i know i need to. i'm not crazy, i swear. but that comment got under my skin. you hear of so many people who gain so much more with pregnancies. for hours after i kept saying that i couldn't BELIEVE i got the weight warning.

i'm really trying not to let it mess with me, but apparently i'm not doing a really good job of that, am i?

ugh.

3.15.2007

it IS march, right?

why do we get teased with two days of 70 degree weather and then i wake up to snow? this is hardly fair.

also? i'm certain i'll now get (another) cold. perfect.

3.12.2007

ah, sleep, how i missed you!

i think in all my talk about T over the weekend i forgot something else that happened... i found a way to get sleep!

while staying at M's longer than planned i got to sue her air bed. now, before you get mad that she put the pregnant lady on the air bed, it was at my insistence, because i'm like that. at any rate, i slept so well saturday night (er, sunday morning) that i couldn't believe it! i chalked it up to being utterly exhausted after all the events... but sunday was the same! i realized the air bed gave me the give in my hips that i needed. needless to say, we purchased one on the way home from the airport.

i do miss sleeping with my husband even though we set it up right next to the regular bed and they are almost the same height, but i'd rather take the sleep right now. although it seems the more i get, the more i want. apparently i'm quite greedy. case in point yesterday, i slept quite well (saturday had been a long day with the far away all-day class, and stopping at a friend's house on the way home for awhile)... we got up at a reasonable hour, even with the stupid time change, and i made breakfast then could barely make it back up the stairs before i needed a nap! and i slept until noon! unheard of!

we then had a packed day full of painting and set up in the office and a trip to IKEA in which we spent way too much money, and then i was back laying down by 7! bizarre. and then i could barely get up this morning!

but i'll still take the sleep. maybe i'm making up for missing so much the last 8 months...

3.09.2007

brilliance

we have our childbirth education class tomorrow, all day. when they called me this week to confirm and let us know what we needed to bring it seemed odd. like the information they gave just didn't seem right. i'm quite familiar with our hospital and the directions on where to go just seemed to not jive.

we were in the car at the time of the call, so when we got home alex checked the site to see what was up... turns out i had signed up for the class... at the WRONG hospital. not the one that is 5 minutes from our house, no, no. i signed us up at the class that is almost an HOUR from our house.

of course, all the classes are now full so we go to this or we miss out on it. seems like we'll be getting up early tomorrow! so much for meeting some locals...

3.08.2007

perspective

well my trip to connecticut certainly was interesting!

i left hoping alex was going to get some work done on the house in my absence as i was really starting to get stressed out about it...

i arrived wednesday and i was pretty busy on the project i'm working on through friday. friday the rest of the company (including my team) started arriving and that was really great. it's the first time all four of the people in my group were all together and it was really nice to be able to talk to everyone together. one of my coworkers got to see just how crazy the PM i'm working with is so that was also a bonus. generally it was a nice time. everyone went out partying after our reception at the hotel but i took my pregnant self to bed!

saturday was the all-day meeting which was about as thrilling as an all-day meeting can be. i realized in our division of the company (about 65 people) there are FOUR women total. that was kind of surprising to see, but i guess i shouldn't have been that shocked.

after that i packed up and headed over to my friend's house who was hosting my mini-shower. i was very excited for it and to see her and my another good friend who was driving down for the party from new hampshire. both of us were arriving early so we could spend time together before the rest of the people came.

M (the host) had just finished setting things up and we were hanging in the kitchen chatting waiting for T to arrive. she had called about 15 minutes before so we knew she was close. shortly thereafter the doorbell rang... which we thought was odd, no one really uses the doorbell, they usually just come right on up. of course we expected T but it was actually one of M's neighbors from across the street. telling is that we needed to come outside.

turns out the T was turning left into M's driveway and didn't see the SUV coming right at her...

by the time they had come to get us, the neighbor, who was a pediatric nurse, had pulled T out of the car since it was smoking badly and she didn't appear to have head/neck injuries. her car was completely totalled and she was sitting on a chair witha blanket and a cloth for her face (she had gotten cuts and burns from the impact/airbag.)

all in all it could have been much worse! but wo much has happened to T in the last few months that this was just completely unbelievable. ii ended up riding with her to the hospital in the ambulance while M contacted everyone to tell them the party was off and them et us the ER.

they ended up keeping her for a few days, she did have some internal injuries but should be just fine. i ended up rescheduling my flight so i could stay longer. it was just insanity.

when alex picked me up that airport he finally told me that while i was gone, he had worked on the floor.. and had accidentally punctured a water pipe which resulted in water going through all levels of the house. he fixed the pipe amazingly and the other real damage was the giant hole in the ceiling on the first floor he had to make in order to drain the water and get to the pipe. at that point, all i could do was laugh. really in the scheme of things? not that big of a deal. not after what T had gone through over the weekend! i can't imagine why he didn't want to tell me while i had been calling him from the ER with updates.

funny how your perspective can change so drastically in such a short time, isn't it?

and in the end, this is what i got to be surprised with!



2.26.2007

nothing's changed

unfortunately, the damage i did with yoga - compounded i'm sure by a ever-growing monkey - has left me in roughly the same, if not worse, shape than i was prior to starting physical therapy. it's very upsetting. also that i will have to stop going soon as my insurance only covers so many visits and i need to save some for after the birth and we've pretty much already wiped our out medical expenses account (as we didn't foresee this!). ah well. i'll have to make do with what i've got.

as for house progress, well, we made some. we got the floor ready, got the rosin paper down, got all the door jams trimmed, the first few rows cut... we were ready for the tool yesterday. we went and rented it, got home and it was not set to the right thickness, and i guess that home depot's tech was out so no one could fix it.

another day down.

*sigh*

in happy news we got our first gifts off the registry. from my boss no less, who will be attending my east-coast shower this weekend. it was very unexpected, especially since the gifts were multiple and more than i would have ever imagined.

only downside? the baby superstore shipped the wrong item. like in a bad way wrong. and of course our local one doesn't carry the line so we trekked all around to different ones (once we realized no progress could be made on the floor of course) to find it. i have a bad track record with picking things that are later discontinued or hard to find, once locked into them (like say, bridesmaid dresses, wedding favors, etc..) so once we had the wrong item, that was no longer available online, that two stores didn't have, alex was on a mission.

i'm happy to report the appropriate mobile is now safely in our living room.

other than that, i feel like i have so much to do before getting on that plane wednesday morning. did i mention i hate to fly? at least it's going to be mid-40s in ct... allegedly.

oh and i added a countdown clock. tried to make ut as unoffensive as possible, man i hate those things.

2.22.2007

my new BFF and other things

so i finally got to the doctor who referred me to the PT place and omg. there was no reason for me being in that kind of pain for 2 months. i've been to my therapist 3 times and heidi is so my new BFF. the place itself is amazing, i love it and she's awesome. the adjustments are so minimal but guess what? i can WALK! i can SLEEP (better) and i don't have intense pain every night and throughout the day! it wasn't "normal" which i figured. one side of my pelvis was just locked and not moving while the other side was moving more than it should have. it's amazing how little made such a big difference. it's amazing.

in other news monkey news, latest appointment yesterday measures me at 26 weeks (slightly ahead of schedule) and other than that, all is well! the little one is moving around like mad, although he has a certain love of the right side of my belly and hangs out there all the time. its the funniest thing. even heidi has a hard time working on that side of my body, he won't budge! i'm like, dude, you need to spread out eventually or you're going to run out of room! i hear he's about 2 pounds right now. that's insanity.

i finally got set up in the my prenatal yoga class and guess what? i can't do it anymore! i mean it was hurting me before i got hooked up the PT, but EVERYTHING hurt so i didn't think much of it. i went last night (after a few miracle PT sessions) and i completely undid all the good we had done! i was miserable all night and at my appointment this morning heidi was like "what did you do to yourself!?!?!" who knew!?!? so, no more yoga. ah well.

as far as the house, we finally got the nursery painted. the smallest room in the entire house took the longest to paint AND the most paint. whatever was on the walls sucked as a base. but it's done. the floor? not so much... remember when i predicted the nursery and office would be done by the end of february? no dice there. someone isn't making a lot of progress... he knows that he has to this weekend or things are going to get ugly...

because 102 DAYS and counting. my god.

i leave for CT next wednesday which will be nice to see my friends one last time until who knows when!

2.08.2007

i'm nothing if not punctual

yes, these pictures are almost 4 weeks old now... it's not my fault. it's set up so alex has to scan. i'm not incompetent, in fact i have to tell him the settings all the time for what i want. i really don't know why it's set up this way. ah well. here they are.. finally. the cutest little face and foot ever!



2.07.2007

117 days

yeah, that's what one of the pregnancy sites told me today. 117 days until my due date. people, that's almost in the two-digit range.

my next ob appt is in 2 weeks, after that? the EVERY TWO WEEK appts begin. next week is our hospital tour. i had been toying with the idea of taking a lamaze class, but between our schedule of classes, work trips and the fact you have to end it at least one month before you due date left us UNABLE TO SCHEDULE ONE.

i'm totally freaking out. alex was the wreck at the beginning and now we're flip flopping. we're going to be buying a crib soon. you know, as soon as it's warm enough to GO OUTSIDE. what is with this weather? yeah, yeah, i know. winter in michgian. exactly why i don't want to live here! it IS in the double digits today so i guess i should not complain... much.

no more progess on the nursery since this weekend. we've both been working late. we were going to tackle it tongiht, but my yoga class is back on! yay! so alex will be solo. bets on progress? i say non, but i try to give him the benefot of teh doubt... we'll see when i get home!

1.30.2007

are you sitting down?

cuz i have some news.

THE STAIRS ARE DONE.

i'd include pictures of how lovely they are, but we can't walk on them right now and that's where the camera is. i'll add some later.

they are gorgeous. we still have to touch up the paint and put the trim back on. little things. but my god, it feels good.

also, i have all the steps i need to get to my room!

AND, we can start on the upstairs floor and get all that done. my prediction is we'll have the right side (nursery, office and guest room) done by the end of february. let's see how close i am!

it's a banner day!


*edited to add*
couldn't resist taking a picture with my phone. yes, it's crappy and the colors are all off, but aren't they pretty? just tell me they are! the trim needs to be put up still, so not DONE DONE, but YAY!

1.25.2007

the big three-oh

so yesterday was my birthday. i don't know what it is about me and birthdays, but they are never quite what i think they will be.

things that happened yesterday:

1. i was still so sick that i barely made it through the (stressful) day at work. (can't really call out on your birthday, even if you ARE sick, it just looks fishy!)

2. we had a regular ob appt and i met with one of the docotors i've not met before. my husband thought it would be super funny to step on the scale behind me with his foot as i was getting weighed in. the nurse and i were quite puzzled how i had gone up that much in one week... he thought that was jsut hilarious. asshole.

3. my mother sent me an ecard (who knew?!)

4. i ws too sick to go our to celebrate so the highlight of my night was going and buying a vaporizer! with medicine inserts! i was waaaaay too excited about this.

5. i was also stoked to take one of my new tylenol with codeine that the new OB had written me an Rx for that was supposed to take away some pain and thusly helping me sleep. (it didn't work. on either front.)

so here i am, in a new decade. hoping, praying, i will feel better before we leave on our "surprise trip" tomorrow... that is, after seeing the geneticist. fingers crossed! the OB yesterday also reiterated how unlikely it is that anything is wrong, but i know we still need to go.

oh, and i found out that i have a "mandatory" meeting for work in CT on 3/3 (yes, a saturday, wtf?). i'm unclear on when i have to stop flying, soi i need to check that out today. but if i can go, like 3 of my close friends in CT are going to have a teeny CT baby shower for me. isn't that the coolest? apparently my best friend has been thinking about getting me out there for a visit anyway, and this jsut kind of fell into place, now convenient!

so, happy birthday to me!

1.23.2007

i did it!!!

i'll be damned. i got a response from my mother. first, my email to her (in response to the final one my SIL received, posted earlier).

I asked (SIL) to send me the email in which you said you would not come to our baby shower.

So, that's how you see it?

That's very interesting. I guess the cards I've sent you over the past year (not getting any in return), the emails, the gifts I have sent for the grandparents-to-be, the ultrasound photos, and the fact that I asked for you be invited to the shower means I have cut you off.

The last email I sent to you (to which you never responded) contained this bit at the end:

Certainly I want you to be a part of my life and the life of Alex and your (future) grandchildren, but I cannot have things continue to happen like the Vegas trip. I just can't. And I don't want to.

I guess that also means (to you) that I am cutting you off. In case it wasn't clear, my meaning was that I want you in my life, but not in the way you were in Vegas. If you have a problem with something I've done, tell me. I don't want to play the games anymore.

I know it's hard for you to see that you are wrong ever (as it is for most people, including myself). And I can respect that. No one is perfect. I feel that I have given you several opportunities to be part of your grandchild's life. It is quite apparent to me by your actions that you are not interested. Bear in mind, sending things to my husband doesn't count. This is OUR child, not just his.

Know that the decision to be "cut off" is one that you, and you alone, are making. Do not try to place the blame on me or Alex.

You are my mother, and I do love you.


And then, this morning in my inbox:
"The way you were in Vegas" - I could say that to you also - however, Vegas was the culmination of many issues and I am not yet ready to address them with you.



Oh my. Still more than I expected to get.

1.22.2007

you're kidding, right?

so, i haven't been sleeping well. part of it i'm not sure why, part is my hip pain, part is my pelvis pain, part is that i sweat all night now (that's pleasant) and part i'm sure, is just plain ol' stress.

friday night i went to sleep around 11:30pm. i woke up on the hour starting at midnight until i gave up at 3am. what's on at 3am? mattress and sleep aid infomercials, of course. figures.

saturday was a busy day. we got up early to head to another baby superstore to see if they had some things that our local one did not. and did they EVER. my word. and a lot of it was on sale! we actually -- are you sitting -- found a chair that was comfortable and affordable AND the right color. now, the chair has been an issue, to say the least. my MIL decided she wanted to buy it for us. so we called her to let her know we had found it and that it was on sale and should we just buy it and we'd work it out later? she was on her way to our side of town (this is somewhat on the way) as we were all getting together anyway so she said they'd come to the store.

while waiting, we got to see the bedding we registered for in person (LOVE IT!) and saw some other things that i wanted to change on the registry so we got on the list for a scanner (i guess a lot of people were registering that day).

well, we got the scanner and the in-laws arrived at the same time. we were also supposed to meet other family members in 40 minutes so he went off with his parents and went to scanning, quickly.

oh did i mention i was also having one of my i-don't-know-what-the-heck-they-are-but-for-lack-of-a-better-theory-i'll-call-them-panic attacks before they got there? oh yes, that was fun too.

so we finished up and got in our respective cars and headed off to the restaurant for my birthday lunch. alex tells me in the car that his mother also bought us the ottoman, much to our insistence that it was entirely too much, and if we wanted it, we'd buy it. she's very sweet.

we got the restaurant and met his brother and wife and my SIL that i mention a lot. it was a nice lunch. we all talked about his other brother, the one with MS. he currently lives in KY and had decided it's time to move up here where there are people that can help him. we all have a part in making this happen. it's kind of fun being in a big family, i like it! :)

after all of that we did our sunday grocery shopping since by this point we had made no progress on the stairs, to prep them for the guy starting today.

saturday night sleeping for me was way worse. i didn't sleep at all and was now also sick. i had a raging sore throat and cough. i was supposed to meet with my other SIL for some work on my pelvis (what she does) but since i was so tired and sick i called to cancel. we started working on the stairs and i was so frustrated and tired i totally had a little meltdown. alex put me in front of a bowl of soup (it was 2pm and i hadn't eaten anything) and made me lay down. i ended up taking a nap. i felt much better after i slept for a few hours and even better when i realized my awesome husband had done most of the work that needed to get done for today.

fast forward to today. i feel a little better (getting 3.5 hours of consecutive sleep rocks!) and then the stair guy called...

his van got broken into last night. OF COURSE IT DID. he has to deal with that and asked to start on thursday. except we'll be out of town, so we have to postpone it until next week...RAR!

can i catch a break sometime?

and, also, i emailed my mother. haven't heard, and don't expect to, but i did it.

1.17.2007

the good.... and the rest

in the good category, we hired the stair guy!

wooo! it means we have a bunch of prep work to do this weekend. he is coming by on friday to drop off the risers (and pick up his check) so we can paint them before he installs them (that was my request). he starts next week! i'm so thrilled! of course we both work at home and i'm assuming it will be, well, noisy, so i haven't worked all that out in my head yet... but YAY for the stair guy!

then, the other stuff...

i got a call yesterday. from my ob HERSELF. not a nurse. that in and of itself causes panic, of course. she tells me that there was something on the ultrasound from friday. she went on to explain it and tell me that it's "probably nothing" but it could potentially be a few things that i'm not too thrilled about, of course. she did tell me that the screening we did was all fine and showed no risk factors and all that, so that leads her to believe there's nothing to worry about. of course she did suggest we make an appointment with the geneticist to "go over our options."

the appointment is next friday. i've, of course, consulted with dr. g00gle who has reassured me the risks are less than 3%. and honestly? in my gut i totally believe everything it perfectly fine. even my doctor said not to worry, they just have to tell us. which i get.

so, it's certainly not something i was thrilled to hear, but i'm certain everything is ok. i'm guessing our biggest decision is whether or not to have an amnio. we'll see what mr. geneticist has to tell us next week.

1.15.2007

seriously?

first, i'll post about the big ultrasound when we have the pictures uploaded. it was very cool. and now i am definitely feeling monkey move which is SO unbelievably cool. alex even got to feel some on friday. monkey was very active all day friday, probably from being poked and prodded so much!

in other news, a few friends and my SIL are starting to plan a baby shower for me. i have to say, i'm beyond touched. i never expect anyone to do anything for me, so whenever something like this comes about i'm always so surprised. they are wonderful, beautiful people and i love them.

now, one of my friends asked about a guest list. truly, i don't have that many friends locally and told her as much. i included a few people back east, my closest friends, who i know won't be able to come, but, well, you know. in case.

my SIL asked if we should invite my mother. i told her we, that it was the right thing. i figured, one more out. give her one more chance to just let it all go and try to make amends. for her grandchild, even if she could care less about me. i even had a dream about it the other night, that she came and that we hugged and everything was ok. not perfect, but ok.

well my SIL wrote a very nice email to my mom this morning. they have always gotten along well in the past, so she wanted to be the one to make contact. it was light, it cheery. it was basically small talk about her girls and whatnot and that some people we having a shower for us and that she knew we'd want her to be there. they didn't have a date, but wanted to give her an idea so she could look into flights, etc, etc.

this was a good out for my mom. especially since it came from my SIL, i really didn't think my mom would drag her into the mess, although i figured it was certainly possible.

my SIL emailed me just now saying that she tried her best but my mom wasn't going to come. i asked her to please forward her response to me because i needed to SEE what she said. even though i knew my SIL was trying to protect me.

i have to share the exchange here, mostly because i'm pretty impressed my my SILs attempts to patch things over

my mom's first response

Great to hear from you! I am glad that you and the girls are doing well.

I am a bit confused however. Chris has not spoken to me in over a year. I know you mean well in mentioning the shower to me, but I know that I would not be welcome there. Let me know your address and the date and I will send a gift.

Thanks


SIL's reply

I know that you would be most welcome. There was no hesitation about your being invited on Chris' part.

I know it's none of my business, but Chris so badly wants you there, yet she's so afraid that you won't come. My mom and I had a lot of hard times in my life, but I feel very strongly that when a woman has a baby, especially her first - she needs her mom more than ever. I don't know all that has transpired, and I don't want to, but babies are an amazing opportunity for reunions. I know that having my girls has forever transformed my relationship with my mother in a way that no other life event could, and we had some very difficult years between us.

I hope that you will consider coming - you would truly be welcomed and honored by us if you did.

I will let you know the date as soon as we set it - I really do hope you can make it.



my mom's final answer

While I appreciate your efforts, there is nothing to be done. Chris has cut me off and I have finally come to accept that.



I guess that's that.

I read this later in the day, quite apt I think:
Sometimes, in difficult situations where you alone can't control the outcome, it helps to remember your best is all you can give.

1.11.2007

progress?

well, we got the estimate. i think it's completely reasonable and also doable. a lot of the work will be left to us (er, alex) but i'm honestly ok with that. funny how expectations change. 19 weeks ago my stance was that all the flooring upstairs HAD to be done as well as ALL the painting and the office had to be reconfigured so we could work in it (finally) and the nursery must be set up, all by sometime mid-may the latest.

now? i'd settle for stairs that are done and at least the flooring on the right side (everything but our bedroom). and the nursery at least painted. all the rest would be a bonus at this point. *sigh*

when alex told me the amount of the estimate (1800 and some change) i thought it was a no-brainer! yes! call him now, can he start this afternoon? for some reason he doesn't share my joy. i mean, is this money i'd rather not spend? certainly. but even to get the new tool that he's need to attempt it, it was like $600 on it's own. i can't see how this isn't a win! especially since his biggest concern apparently was the whole contractor-running-off-with-your-money thing, and the guy wants LESS than HALF upfront, the rest on completion. there's even a clause in there that when he tears out the stairs that alex ruined that if he causes further damage when removing them it is his responsibility to repair it, at his cost. i mean, come on!

poor guy has been on one conference call after another all morning. if he ever gets off the phone we'll talk more about it.

speaking of, i have plenty i should be doing myself right now.

20 week ultrasound tomorrow. i was telling monkey this morning to feel free to let s have a little show, if you know what i'm sayin'....

1.10.2007

ah, the stair saga

so the stair guy came. apparently he used to live on our street, in our house model even. i thought this would be a good sign. what i didn't expect was that he likely lived here WITH HIS PARENTS. i swear the dude is like 23, maybe. he was, however, very professional and knowledgeable and spouted lots of information about codes and such.

short story, to gut and redo all the stairs would be VERY expensive, VERY time consuming, and pretty much more than he could handle. but likely more than we can handle, cost-wise, right now. the upside of this is that he had lots of ideas of work arounds that would be within code. he's supposed to get back to us "soon" with the estimate.

alex and i talked about it for a loooong time last night. his fears are that it will still be too expensive (possibly, but i doubt it, of our available options...); that it will "look weird" (yes, i agree it's ideal to redo the stairs but let's face it, it's not really an option); and his fear of contractors (all the hororr stories of them taking your money and running (that's fair).

so after talking i got him to agree not to make any decisions (yes, he still thinks he can somehow rebuild them all himself) until we got the estimate. the work we're asking for still has us doing a fair amount of it and still doing all the flooring ourselves (much to my dismay he would not ask about the guy doing the floor).

the guy called today to ask 2 more questions. i'm hoping that means that we'll have some numbers soon.

i think doing the "we have THIS MANY" weeks left and this is how long i THINK it will take to do all the other rooms (high estimate) and how much time that didn't really leave for the stairs helped.

let's all still keep our fingers crossed....