seriously?

first, i'll post about the big ultrasound when we have the pictures uploaded. it was very cool. and now i am definitely feeling monkey move which is SO unbelievably cool. alex even got to feel some on friday. monkey was very active all day friday, probably from being poked and prodded so much!

in other news, a few friends and my SIL are starting to plan a baby shower for me. i have to say, i'm beyond touched. i never expect anyone to do anything for me, so whenever something like this comes about i'm always so surprised. they are wonderful, beautiful people and i love them.

now, one of my friends asked about a guest list. truly, i don't have that many friends locally and told her as much. i included a few people back east, my closest friends, who i know won't be able to come, but, well, you know. in case.

my SIL asked if we should invite my mother. i told her we, that it was the right thing. i figured, one more out. give her one more chance to just let it all go and try to make amends. for her grandchild, even if she could care less about me. i even had a dream about it the other night, that she came and that we hugged and everything was ok. not perfect, but ok.

well my SIL wrote a very nice email to my mom this morning. they have always gotten along well in the past, so she wanted to be the one to make contact. it was light, it cheery. it was basically small talk about her girls and whatnot and that some people we having a shower for us and that she knew we'd want her to be there. they didn't have a date, but wanted to give her an idea so she could look into flights, etc, etc.

this was a good out for my mom. especially since it came from my SIL, i really didn't think my mom would drag her into the mess, although i figured it was certainly possible.

my SIL emailed me just now saying that she tried her best but my mom wasn't going to come. i asked her to please forward her response to me because i needed to SEE what she said. even though i knew my SIL was trying to protect me.

i have to share the exchange here, mostly because i'm pretty impressed my my SILs attempts to patch things over

my mom's first response

Great to hear from you! I am glad that you and the girls are doing well.

I am a bit confused however. Chris has not spoken to me in over a year. I know you mean well in mentioning the shower to me, but I know that I would not be welcome there. Let me know your address and the date and I will send a gift.

Thanks

SIL's reply

I know that you would be most welcome. There was no hesitation about your being invited on Chris' part.

I know it's none of my business, but Chris so badly wants you there, yet she's so afraid that you won't come. My mom and I had a lot of hard times in my life, but I feel very strongly that when a woman has a baby, especially her first - she needs her mom more than ever. I don't know all that has transpired, and I don't want to, but babies are an amazing opportunity for reunions. I know that having my girls has forever transformed my relationship with my mother in a way that no other life event could, and we had some very difficult years between us.

I hope that you will consider coming - you would truly be welcomed and honored by us if you did.

I will let you know the date as soon as we set it - I really do hope you can make it.

my mom's final answer

While I appreciate your efforts, there is nothing to be done. Chris has cut me off and I have finally come to accept that.

I guess that's that.

I read this later in the day, quite apt I think:
Sometimes, in difficult situations where you alone can't control the outcome, it helps to remember your best is all you can give.