3.29.2006

why not?

Taken a picture naked? of myself? no. no. no. no one needs that.

Made out with a member of the same sex? Oh yes indeed.

Told a lie? Yeah.

Gotten in a car with people you just met? I don't think so. I did almost take a motorcycle ride with these guys a friend and i had just met at the beach. That would have been REALLY stupid.

Been in a fist fight? Yes.

Had feelings for someone who didn?t have them back? Who hasn't?

Been arrested? Yes.

Left your house without telling your parents? Who knows, they didn't really pay much attention, so probably.

Ditched school to do something more fun? Yep, both high school and college

Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes

Seen someone die? Yes

Kissed a picture? Yes. i think so.

Slept in until 3? I must have at some point.

Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Not recently enough

Played dress up? Yes.

Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes. (Missed way to much art history to say I have a minor in it).

Felt an earthquake? No.

Touched a snake? Certainly not on purpose.

Ran a red light? Like 2 days ago.

Had detention? Yes.

Been in a car accident? Yes, 3 or 4

Pole danced? Ha!!!! Again, no one needs that!

Been lost? Oh, so many times. Figuratively and literally.

Sang karaoke? no no no.

Done something you told yourself you wouldn?t? more times than I can recount

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Yes

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes

Kissed in the rain? Maybe? I don't remember a specific moment or anything though. Should do that.

Sang in the shower? Yes, but the car is definitely more my thing. I'm a rockstar. Sinigng duets with Matt were my favorite car experiences.

Got your tongue stuck to a pole? No.

Ever gone to school partially naked? What does this mean? I'll go with no.

Sat on a roof top? i think so.

Played chicken? No.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No. (This was not an invitation, I don't need any of you getting any ideas.)

Been told you?re hot by a complete stranger? Only at gas stations by questionable men. Oh, and that one guy in traffic on 94. That was funny, although I don't think he said "hot" per se.

Broken a bone? Nope

Mooned/flashed someone? nope

Forgotten someone?s name? All the time.

Slept naked? Yep.

Blacked out from drinking? Never. never even gotten sick.

Played a prank on someone? Yes.

Felt like killing someone? Oh yes

Made a parent cry? Certainly

Cried over someone? Way too often.

Had sex more than 10 times in a weekend? sadly, no.

Had/Have a dog? A few times but only briefly.

Been in a band? No, sadly.

Drank 25 sodas in a day? eek. no. that's a lot of soda!

Shot a gun? No, other than arcade type things. they scare me.

What's wrong with people?

Last night my purse was taken while we were at our yoga class. I left it in my locker (unlocked) I know, I know but it's a fixed number of people there, not a general public kind of place and we all do that. It was under my coat as always. It was so upsetting. It was "found" later but whoever had it had rifled through my wallet and had taken all the gift cards/reward things from stores that I had. Wedding presents and such. Thankfully that was all, my credit cards were all there (even though we cancelled them anyway for safety) and my license and brand-new-hadn't-even-set-up-voicemail-yet-and-quite-expensive cell phone. so it could have been so much worse. As crappy as it is that all stuff is gone ($400ish worth of stuff) I feel worse for the owner. It's SUCH a small place, it's personal training by appointment so to think one of her clients or trainers is a thief is awful. Alex and I have our suspicions on one person who was acting weird... I'll probably talk to the owner about that later.

3.22.2006

interesting topic

i've been reading all the sites invovled in the "false advertising" debate the last few weeks. alex and i have had this discussion, many times, only in reverse.

he'll often say, jokingly, that he "paid for more than he actually got." and has even made the false advertising type comments. clearly they are in jest. and we laugh, but reading all these posts i understnad what people are saying but most of all it's sad to me. and what's sad about it? that people actually have these discussions/deals/ultimatums/whatever with their spouses! sure, alex would be sad if i cut my hair (we've had this discussion). but you know what? he'd get over it. he wants me to do what makes me happy. what makes me feel good. and yes, i get all the points about it being self-esteem related. and i can't relate to the after-childbirth ones since i've not been there yet, but jeez. seems... sad.

so i give you our example. both of us. here's our engagement photo from 4/03 and a photo from our wedding 9/05. looks like neither of us actually got what we signed up for. or, are we now going to be held to the ideal from the wedding now forever more?

3.16.2006

last night i had the strangest dream...

(and now i can't stop singing that silly "break my stride" song... but i digress)


i woke up at 2am and was unable to get back to sleep. it was the oddest dream. not good, not bad, just a jumble of things that arne't related nor do they make sense.

i wanted to write about it this morning when i twas fresh, but i'll do the best i can to get it down now.

one of the first things i remember was a call from my ex, asking me to come over. of course i went. (i am pretty sure that i was not, well, um, married at this point in the dream). anyway... i also had a new car. it was silver.

i went to see my ex and stayed there for a bit then my mom called. to reming me that my plane to go to mexico was leaving in the morning. apparently this was a trip to meet her there.

i panicked because i would have to get up early. and i wasn't home (wherever that was in this dream) and it also meant that she would have to drive me and i DID NOT want her to do that, it would mean she'd have my car while i was gone and, well, we all know how that played out so many times.

somehow, the next morning my car was totaled and i had a rental. only it was parked downtown and i had to walk to go get it. so i was wlaking down the street, in detroit, trying to find 94. i was on the phone with someone asking them directions and somehow ended up in the cass area (have only been there once, it's not the greatest part of detroit i've been told). anyway, i remember thinking to myself, here's this little white girl walking around this "bad" neighborhood with a giant purple purse (?). i remember seeing all these "gangs" (big groups of mean looking guys wearing color coded clothing for their groups) and thinking i was toast, but oddly not scared at all.

i found the giant spiral parking garage where my rental car was. it was right next to the giant matterhorn ride too. i saw the car, but for some reason i could not get to it. i was approached by one if the gangs, who offered to help me get out the car. it was a pink version of a batman mobile type car, btw. i, of course, just hand over the keys and point to the car. he jumps the fence and climbs up and gets in the car. one of the other guys tells me he really doesn't know how to drive. i say it's ok, as long as he gets it out, it's a rental i don't care what shape it's in. he bashes in the cars in front and behind it as he tried to get it out of it's position. he eventually comes out and i notice there's a sign for 94 around the corner. i hop in and head for it.

now i'm in a hurry of course. and i consult the card with direction on the drivers seat and see that i'm going to be in canada soon! i see on it "take te second left, it's your last chance..." and i veer across 3 lanes to take the second left as it's my last chance to avoid going to canada. next thing i know i'm at customs and i have to get out of the car for it to be searched. i'm all confused and look down at the card to see that it was it's "..your last chance to make it to canada."

now, what the heck could all that possibly mean?

3.14.2006

i think i've just negated 1/2 my wardrobe

funny, for all the years that i had red hair i hated the color pink. my hatred for pink was deep and everyone who knew me knew how much i hated the color. it was my thing. you know? so having red hair was never an issue.

well, now that i'm smaller i feel much girlier and, well, i've come around. I've embraced pink. i have pink sneakers. (and a matching pink gym bag). several pink tops. so many. i even had pink capris last summer. me! pink capris! unheard of. when we were at my bridal shower in nh, i brought my bathing suit (pale pale pale pink with black trim) and all my "old" friends there and my mom flipped out. a PINK bathing suit? it was barely pink. barely. if they could only see my closet!

anyway, so my hair is red again. the next day i was like... oh shit! i can't wear pink anymore! not with red hair! and alex, the peach that he is, says we just need to buy new clothes (think someone likes the red hair??). we went running after work last night -- first time since last years 5K and i need to get ready for this years -- and i was wearing my... pink sneakers. and my new jacket.. that's pink. and i was like, oh man, is it bad? he said no, but my hair was up. i'm wearing a pink sweater today (seriously, my options were pink or pinker) and i just asked my coworker if it was a problem and she's like "yeah... kinda."

great. now what do i do? suck it up? change it back? bah. who have i become? i have a whole new problem with pink now!

3.10.2006

6 months

today marks our 6 month wedding anniversary. weird. seems so long and so short all at once. i was listening to the music that we played in the garden on the way into work this morning. ah, memories. all the planning! all the craziness! all the work! all the joy. last year was one hell of a year!

in other news, i was having a pretty crappy day yesterday. alex was working from home yesterday and he knew i was feeling yucky. so when i pulled up to the house he was outside and was like "i'm driving" what? i thought, wait... dinner, house stuff, what's are you talking about? he decided i needed a night out. so we did. it was nice! we went downtown ann arbor, walked around, window shopping, dinner, walking through campus. it was really nice. and jsut what i needed.

i also colored my hair when we got home. i was red for so many years and for the last 3 (the time i've known alex, incidentally) i was back to my "natural blonde" but i'm red again. he is excited (apparently he digs red hair a lot) and it's been awhile for me. it's good. it's all full circle in some ways, isn't it?

and it's friday. glorious friday. can't wait... hope the weather is as nice tomororw as it's supposed to be. it's almost spring people. finally.

3.09.2006

i hold on to stuff

to a fault. and i know this. but what i'm talking about here is old wounds. it happened again last night.

we went to bed around 11:30. same old stuff, alex puts in my eye drops, starts watching tv, i wall asleep. exciting stuff, eh? then i wake up about an hour later, wide awake in a cold sweat. and he's not there. rationally, i know he's in the computer room messing around cu he can't sleep. i know this. i tell myself this. and yet and still my baggage is still there. i still need to get up, look outside to make sure the cars are there. then i have to walk across to the other side of the house where the office is and sure enough, there he is. he jumps up when he sees me, he knows the drill, i've explained it a million times. i see him, turn around and go back to bed. and then can't sleep of course.

i guess old scar run really deep don't they? i've been thinking about this all morning and wondering, after being with alex for 3 years, you'd think i'd know better than to still be afraid of things he's NEVER DONE. and then i think about other things, like the break in, i mean, that was --damn-- almost 10 years ago and i STILL can't stay home alone at night without the lights on, the tv on and scared as hell. so i guess events that were more recent, i shouldn't be surprised that they still effect me.

i feel all off today. compound that with the rain and the fact that i was already exhausted last night and upset about some of the magazine comments that are starting to come back. ugh.

really, i do want to start march over, is it too late?

3.03.2006

randomness

funny how you make a comment about not commenting and then you get a comment on your site that you're SURE no one reads.

ha! that was a ridiculous sentence.

anyway, thanks irish girl, i was stoked. and a neighbor as well. fun stuff.

i've been thinking about all kinds of different posts in my head and i still never managed to get them up. here are some thoughts in my head...

***

i'm frustrated with the situation with my mother. i was sending the link to the wedding photos to a new friend of mine and looking at them made me sad. and i told alex that and he told me to call her if i was sad about it. then i came to the realization that i was sad, but i was sad for a relationship i've never had with my mother. for a relationship that just doesn't exist and never has but that i really want. i thought about writing her a letter, explaining how i felt. explaining that i really would like her in my life, especially when we have kids (hopefully), but that i won't tolerate this kind of thing happening every year (or 2 or 6 for that matter). and i will NOT just sweep the vegas trip under the rug, i won't.

then i talk to my brother. and he tells me she is saying things to him how i never loved her and she hoped that he still didn't talk to *them* in michigan.

yeah, thanks mom.

*sigh*

***

i'd like to start march over. wednesday was crazy. we lost power at work, we all got sent home. then got called back in. keith wrecked his motorcycle, i found out there was a HUGE mistake on the magazine (my fault)... it was just a bad day.

***

we *finally* started our thank you notes. we suck. (notice i said started)

***

i've been toying with the idea of going over and sorting through some events in my life on here, kind of like another blogger i read is doing on a separate site that is password-protected. she's an amazing writer and she's inspired me to want to do it. no one in my "real life" knows about this so it would be *safe* but i don't know if it would be beneficial or would stir up too much old crap. sill thinking about this one.

***

lastly i've been feeling kind of crappy about myself. weird huh? i think i've been on such a high these last 2 years that now that i'm *done* i'm getting the bug about wanting to really be done. as in plastic surgery. i only have about 15lbs left to lose if i want to be at a "normal" weight as far as the charts are concerned. but honestly, i don't really care about that. i have pants that are a size 4 on right now. it's a fluke, but who cares, right?!!? i'm really like an 8. an EIGHT. less than two years ago i was a TWENTY-EIGHT. i am so not complaining.

however, i'm.... flappy.... for lack of a better word. especially now that i'm actually pretty strong and toned (thanks yoga!) but all the extra skin REALLY just hangs off my bones and muscles. i swear, the rest of that weight is jsut skin, easily, and i know that. but... it's not pretty. i wear lower rise jeans now, but then my belly hangs over. and my arms, not pretty. i wore tank tops last summer for the first time in my life, but it wasn't quite like it is now. the thought of bearing my arms? it' scary to me now.

alex is so supportive, so amazing, he's 100% behind whatever i want to do. and honestly, the though of a tummy/arm tuck is really appealing. really. appealing. well, except for the drains, the long recovery, the fact that getting a tummy tuck before (hopefully) being pregnant seems really sillly.... but more than that.... we know it could be a huge trigger. so... it is worth it? or do i stay flappy? i know alex's vote... he doesn't want to jeopardize my health over some skin that he doesn't care about... but i gotta tell you... i'm really starting to think about it. we'll see. maybe i'll talk to the neurologist about it when i see him next, see what he thinks.