6.14.2006

in which i start to freak out

tomorrow is my last day here at my current job. as i was sitting in the parking lot that is 94 i was thinking, wow you're not all wound up about the traffic this morning. why is that? oh right. tomorrow is the last morning you'll have to do this. wait... TOMORROW IS THE LAST MORNING YOU'LL HAVE TO DO THIS! yikes!

so i took a new job. and i start monday. what does this mean? well is means i have to finish getting the office in shape this weekend. it means that i will travel to CT next week. it means I WILL NO LONGER WORK IN AN OFFICE WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

ok this is all really surreal. i mean, it's good. it's a big raise (but not all that thrilling really since i was severely underpaid for my skills here ), it's a slightly new area of design for me so it will be scary as hell challenging. but as i said, i already did a small project for them and i really liked it and really got into it and as a result of that work i got the offer i wanted (even a little more). so that means i'll be good, right? i am so freaking out.

and i'm a planner people. i like plans. i like knowing what's happening next. i think that my life was in limbo for so many years that the order and planning just makes me happy. make no mistake, at first the order and calm kinda freaked me out but now i love it. every afternoon around 3 alex and start talking over IM for what The Plan is for the night. Everyday we do this. My point is that my new company is, shall we say, sparse in the communication area. For example, when I got the offer, I asked for a few days to go over it all. The guy who sent it to me was going to be on vacation the week my response was due. I asked him who I should send it to. He told me himself, the company president and the HR contact. So that's what I did. The only response I received at all was from the HR lady with some information for me and questions so they could book my travel.

now... you'd think the guy that was on vacation might have contacted me when he got back. maybe a little "hey, glad you're joining us" or whatever. something. some acknowledgment. and, um, travel? huh? what are you talking about? travel where? (see this is why i feel a little out of the loop.)

after i sent my acceptance letter i contacted the woman who i will be working with and with whom i worked on that project with. i let her know i had accepted and she was really excited. even told me i made her day. which, in truth, did make me feel better. this was about 30 second after i hit "send" on the acceptance and as i'm talking to her, she says she's gotten another IM saying that i was starting the 19th. now see, here's another point! we had not discussed a start date. in my acceptance, i asked if the 19th was ok with them. NO ONE REPLIED TO IT. and here they're telling my new coworker that's my start date. it's weird, right?

so my coworker tells me they will fly in my whole team so we can meet each other. that's the travel they are talking about. well that's cool, right? so that's why i'll be in CT next monday through thursday. but since then? no word. none. what is The Plan? what will i be doing there? i mean they expect me to work i suppose, but what will i need to bring with me? who will i report to while there? i mean, i need details! also, what do i wear?!?!? i have to pack for 4 days at a new office, two of those days will be partially spent on a plane. how do you plan for that? think of the shoe issues alone! gah!

so yeah, i'm in meltdown mode. and then once i get back? i'll be working at home with NO HUMAN CONTACT. have i mentioned that??

oh! oh! OH. i forgot the best part ever. health insurance. we are both on the health insurance of my current employer. that ends tomorrow. my new insurance would start july 1. no big deal. only, my current employer has not gotten me any numbers on how much it would cost to keep it for the rest of the month. and my new options? i have the options of a PPO or an HSA. pretty decent options... if you're not me. the PPO looks decent (not sure how many/which doctors i might have to change) but the more i read... there is a $250 copay for MRIs. WTF? i don't pay a dime now on my HMO. $250 EACH? people, do you know many MRIs i have in the course of a year? this is not good.

you might think, as i did, well just go on alex's insurance. no biggie. he went off it since it wasn't free and mine was. but mine is no longer free. so why not? well one reason is that if we're not on his insurance they give us $300/mo in flexible medical spending money. pretty nice! you then might think, as i did, well use that for the MRI copay! perfect! oh wait. not perfect. his company is getting bought out by the end of the month. we have no idea what the new company will offer at all. oh, and there's more, the company he's been contracted to fo the last 5 years will probably hire him on (that would be ideal) so he can skip the other transition altogether. but that won't happen until july or august.

i will not even mention the hell that is the magazine right now. nor the fact that i realized they have been underpaying me all year. or that the schedule is all screwed up. or that i need to probably do the next one and that our next estiamted tax payment is due tomorrow and i almost forgot and that alex's brother wants me to do freelance for his company and that there's some family drama there and that the freidn thing is still going on and that my friend who is dating that friend is moving here next week and that, no, i have still heard nothing from my mother. oh and we're refinancing the house, and no, the tile is not done yet and yes, my husband did rip up the rug in another room (upstairs) when the downstairs is not done and did i mention i will be WORKING FROM HOME COMPLETELY AFTER TOMORROW?

so, in short, there is much going on.

6.02.2006

your friends are your friends until they're not.

wow, so eloquent.

i've had a lot going on in my head lately in regard to friends i wanted to try to sort it all out because talking to people only helps so much. if they know the people it's hard to be honest, if they don't well then they'll side with you or try to be objective and if they don't know the people that gets to be pointless sometimes. and so i've been trying to work it all out myself and getting nowhere fast. then, upon reading another blog, i saw this line and thought, yes. that's it. it's as simple as that.

then i started this whole REALLY LONG post about all the devastation i've had in regard to friends in my life. and about halfway through i was getting way too sad and it was long and only meant something to me i guess.

the gist? throughout my life i've had some very close, very strong friendships that have suddenly ended. and i have no idea why.

i'm in the middle of it again. and it's really tearing me apart. although there is more understanding this time of how it went down, kind of, or at least some of the circumstances, i don't understand how it's come to what it's come to and just what (if anything) I am suposed to do now.

with my history, it's really got me wondering just what it is I keep missing...

6.01.2006

when you don't have time to write something meaningful...

... entertain with photos!!

one from a group workout we went to and thoroughly enjoyed. and another from browsing the new local H&M at our mall and deciding it's too trendy for me (or that i am too old).