randomness

funny how you make a comment about not commenting and then you get a comment on your site that you're SURE no one reads.

ha! that was a ridiculous sentence.

anyway, thanks irish girl, i was stoked. and a neighbor as well. fun stuff.

i've been thinking about all kinds of different posts in my head and i still never managed to get them up. here are some thoughts in my head...

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i'm frustrated with the situation with my mother. i was sending the link to the wedding photos to a new friend of mine and looking at them made me sad. and i told alex that and he told me to call her if i was sad about it. then i came to the realization that i was sad, but i was sad for a relationship i've never had with my mother. for a relationship that just doesn't exist and never has but that i really want. i thought about writing her a letter, explaining how i felt. explaining that i really would like her in my life, especially when we have kids (hopefully), but that i won't tolerate this kind of thing happening every year (or 2 or 6 for that matter). and i will NOT just sweep the vegas trip under the rug, i won't.

then i talk to my brother. and he tells me she is saying things to him how i never loved her and she hoped that he still didn't talk to *them* in michigan.

yeah, thanks mom.

*sigh*

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i'd like to start march over. wednesday was crazy. we lost power at work, we all got sent home. then got called back in. keith wrecked his motorcycle, i found out there was a HUGE mistake on the magazine (my fault)... it was just a bad day.

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we *finally* started our thank you notes. we suck. (notice i said started)

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i've been toying with the idea of going over and sorting through some events in my life on here, kind of like another blogger i read is doing on a separate site that is password-protected. she's an amazing writer and she's inspired me to want to do it. no one in my "real life" knows about this so it would be *safe* but i don't know if it would be beneficial or would stir up too much old crap. sill thinking about this one.

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lastly i've been feeling kind of crappy about myself. weird huh? i think i've been on such a high these last 2 years that now that i'm *done* i'm getting the bug about wanting to really be done. as in plastic surgery. i only have about 15lbs left to lose if i want to be at a "normal" weight as far as the charts are concerned. but honestly, i don't really care about that. i have pants that are a size 4 on right now. it's a fluke, but who cares, right?!!? i'm really like an 8. an EIGHT. less than two years ago i was a TWENTY-EIGHT. i am so not complaining.

however, i'm.... flappy.... for lack of a better word. especially now that i'm actually pretty strong and toned (thanks yoga!) but all the extra skin REALLY just hangs off my bones and muscles. i swear, the rest of that weight is jsut skin, easily, and i know that. but... it's not pretty. i wear lower rise jeans now, but then my belly hangs over. and my arms, not pretty. i wore tank tops last summer for the first time in my life, but it wasn't quite like it is now. the thought of bearing my arms? it' scary to me now.

alex is so supportive, so amazing, he's 100% behind whatever i want to do. and honestly, the though of a tummy/arm tuck is really appealing. really. appealing. well, except for the drains, the long recovery, the fact that getting a tummy tuck before (hopefully) being pregnant seems really sillly.... but more than that.... we know it could be a huge trigger. so... it is worth it? or do i stay flappy? i know alex's vote... he doesn't want to jeopardize my health over some skin that he doesn't care about... but i gotta tell you... i'm really starting to think about it. we'll see. maybe i'll talk to the neurologist about it when i see him next, see what he thinks.