10.27.2003

theatre bizarre

this wknd we went to the biggest, best party i have ever been to in my life. check it out.

i love halloween things, always have. so when alex suggested we go to this thing, i was like, yeah ok. i had NO IDEA what we were in for. he didn't either. his coworkers started this thing and it's jsut so big and IMPRESSIVE. nothing about it is half-assed.

started out with needing costumes. so i rented us charlemagne and queen catherine costumes. he was so freaking adorable in his little hat and tunic!

so we go there and you need to enter through a haunted house. not much of a haunted house, per se, but the end you walk through a dark room, get completely disoriented, then have to walk out through a tunnel that is all fog and a black strobe light. you cannot see A THING. but, the people on the other side of the tunnel can see YOU!. omg, if i could have only seen us.... first of all alex got us lost in the black room, so we were in there for longer than we should have been. then somehow i ended up in front, inching our way out with his arms wrapped around me from behind. let's just say when we got out there were these two huge security guys laughing their asses off at us! and i don't blame them one bit.

so on the otherside, it was 3 main areas. it was like a giant haunted carnival. the main stage, where bands played, different little stands all around, a tent (which was nice to go under sometimes as it was raining off and on) then the area on the otehr side that was a huge dj area with a big sreen and more booths.

let's not forget the 6 or 7 beer stations. it was all you could drink. i've never had so much beer before. it was such a fucking good time. the ENTIRE night.

i want to go again!

10.15.2003

giving it a try

i've seen this 100 things about myself thing a lot of people do. can i hack it? let's see:

1. i have no "full" siblings only "half's"
2. i always cut/grow my hair over and over again cyclically. on the grow side now.
3. i am living in ann arbor for the second time in my life.
4. i never in ten million years pictured myself in michigan.
5. i love my job.
6. i consider myself very luck that i love what i do for a living.
7. i have a secret desire to be a dancer/choreographer.
8. i weigh about twice what i should.
9. i am incredibly self conscious of my size/body.
10. if i could i would get bariatric surgery in a second.
11. i have been trying to for 5 years.
12. my size does not bother me as much as it used to.
13. all the boys i had crushes on growing up are gay.
14. my first true love was a woman.
15. i don't ever believe i will love someone with that much intensity again.
16. i have never loved and gotten hurt so deeply before.
17. crack almost sompletely destroyed my life.
18. i have never even seen crack.
19. i have learned the very very hard way that love and support and sacrifice cannot change a person. only they can.
20. i have attempted suicide twice in my life.
21. the first time was an attention thing. the second time was real.
22. i have scars i am forced to face every single day for the rest of my life because of it. physically and emotionally.
23. i have never admitted this to my mother.
24. i resent my mother for not protecting me from getting raped when i was 16.
25. i was attacked once in my apartment by a guy who broke in.
26. it was by far the scariest thing that has ever happened to me.
27. i still to this day have issues with being home alone.
28. i love croutons.
29. i love broccoli.
30. i love my friends and wish i wasn't so far from them.
31. i have no doubt that moving back here was the right decision for me.
32. i own a condo i don't live in.
33. i never expected to find someone to love me again so easily.
34. or to accept all that i am and all that i've been through without hesitation.
35. it was difficult to explain my scars to my boyfriend.
36. i love my cat isaac very much.
37. isaac knows when i'm upset and comforts me.
38. my strength in bad situations amazes me.
39. i feel like this is my time to be happy.
40. financially, it will take me a very long to dig myself out of the hole that i'm in.
41. i do not want to marry alex until my finances are in order.
42. i expect to be mrs. hamlin someday.
43. i want to have children.
44. i refuse to have children until/unless i am in better physical shape.
45. when i think of my life last year at this time, i marvel at how far i've come.
46. i miss my grandfather.
47. i am afraid of my grandfather dying when i am not around for him.
48. i will always regret not seeing mimi the night she died.
49. i wish i knew my father.
50. i wish i was closer to my siblings.

(i have to work now, i'll finish later.)

10.13.2003

i'm in

it's official. we're living together. moved over most of my clothing yesterday. the rest of the stuff will come in bits and pieces. he's so adorable i swear.

so my car is in bad shape, (of course, it's mine), and i need to get it fixed. my check engine light came on which freaked me out. so now alex insists i drive his car until i can get mine fixed. how sweet is that? i LOVE his car...

10.06.2003

it's all changed

i don't know what calm had decended on me today but suddenly i have no fear, no anxiety, no doubt, nothing but love for my boyfriend. and i feel completely ready to take that next step and to officially move in together.

i can't tell you why or how it all changed, it just did. nothing was different this weekend than any other weekend. nothing was different last night or this morning even. not a thing. except my attitude.

i guess i should share this bit of info with him tonight, huh?

10.01.2003

a tired and happy girl

so after the day of sadness my boy and i spent all night talking and laughing and crying and listening and relating and just holding and loving each other.

i feel much better abot everything now, although i'm veeeeeeery sleeeeeeeepy!