much post about nothing

i'm tired and need a break from work so here i am. nothing much to say, just some random thoughts.

i can't decide now i feel about my mother. parts of me just wants to slap her upside the head about her stubbornness and have things be back to "normal" but then i think about those days and you know what? yeah, no thanks. not really interested. but i have a feeling things are going to come to a head in say, about 5 or 6 months.

i've also been wondering about some other things lately. there's a certain person in alex's family who, when it comes to get-togethers we always end up having "issues" regarding food and i really am trying to figure out why this is.

now, everyone knows about my food restrictions. not that hard, no sugar. can it be complicated? sure, but not really. i never ask anyone to accommodate me. often i'll offer to bring something or just make sure i have things with me i can eat ifi know it might be an issue. she often makes me feel like this is a lifestyle choice i'm making, not a medical necessity. no, i don't have diabetes. no, i will not DIE if i eat sugar, i'll just be really really really sick. and, um, no thanks.

again, i don't' ask people to accommodate me, but isn't some of it common courtesy? if someone was coming to my house and food was involved, i would make sure of likes/dislikes/allergies/any restriction first. and this is family! like, would it hurt you to pick up diet soda once in a while? of course this is all coming to a head with christmas around the corner. oh... the other part of it? she absolutely refuses to eat anything sugar-free.

now, that can be complex, i know. many people prefer sugar over sugar-substitutes. i get that, totally. i won't argue that point. it's a choice and that's fine. completely. but if i bring something to family gathering that is sugar-free (i always do, especially since alex's dad is diabetic) she'll treat it as if it's poison. won't go near it with a ten foot pole. i really don't understand it.

but then i got to thinking. i never bring things that are made with sugar, just as she never brings things that are sugar-free. so does that make me just as bad? i never thought of it that way before.

i dunno... but like i said, i'm tired. i shouldn't be attempting to write. maybe i'll take a little nap instead..,. i bet no one will notice :)