probable

prob·a·ble adj.

1. Likely to happen or to be true.


2. Likely but uncertain; plausible.

let's go with the second definition, shall we? yes i think we shall.

well that's the verdict people, i have "probable" ms.

we met with the neurologist yesterday. i love that doctor truly. i am so lucky i got in with him. i'm still not sure how we pulled that off, but i'm ever so thankful.

so after entering his office and sitting at the desk with him he took a deep breath and told me my MRI was completely unchanged.

we even got to look at it on his computer instead of the usual films which i can never really understand. this was like 3d. and it was my brain. so that was a little weird. but still fun. sort of.

he pointed out what was normal and what wasn't. it was great. i thought, whew. we're in the clear.

he examined me (i kicked some serious butt in the exam i'll tell you. (thanks yoga! i missed you and i'm so glad we're friends again)

then he started talking about meds. and if we wanted to start them and went over the whole "there is no cure, only prevention" deal. yes, yes i know.

but, wait. why are we talking meds? i thought i was all set? what's going on. alex grabs my hand. doesn't make me feel very reassured. so i ask him, "do you consider me diagnosed?" suddenly that was really unclear.

he goes on to explain what my friend google had already told me. that there are many levels to diagnosis. there is no definite one, only "clinically-positive" and to be clinically-positive i needed to have a minimum of 5 lesions (which i, in fact, do). and have had at least 2 separate attacks on different areas. that's where it's fuzzy. the optic neuritis was pretty definite but nothing else has been enough to be called an attack so he cannot deem me clinically-diagnosed.

i was, however, diagnosed with "probable ms" and i could start meds if i wanted to.

well, no, thankyouverymuch, i'm not really interested. we had discussed this at length several times and had also discussed it with him several times and we all agree. until i NEED it, we're going to wait. there's a possibility i won't ever need it. there's a possibility i will and we're playing with fire i know.

it also effects other decisions as far as our new little family goes. and if/when we're going to try to do anything about expanding it.

it's always interesting isn't it?

today's pic? proof that my husband is super sweet.