home

so we had the moving in together talk. i have to say, i think it went pretty poorly. not in topic. i mean, i know he wants to and that's no surprise, but i had 3 questions to ask him and his answers weren't really what i expected:

#1 Why do you want to live with me
#2 What do you envision changing once that happens and
#3 When do you see this happening

Answers were very logical, very not emotional. including things like "it will be more convenient." "we won't have to keep up both houses", "it will be better for the cats"

After like an hour of talking I was finally to the point of "say something nice about me and wanting to do this that had nothing to do with cats!"

so then of course he did. and it was all good stuff. and i felt better. and he said that he hadn't said any of that because it goes without saying that he'd feel that way. he was looking at the more logical, analytical side. and that "girls are wierd. they need to hear things to believe them."

we talked about the things that are problematic, namely my condo. his quesion was "do you consider that home?" and i didn't know what to say.

home. interesting concept. i feel like i've been in limbo for so long and haven't had a "home" in a long long time. the last time i sorta felt settled was in farmington with matt, really. alex said it seemed strange to him that i'd want to spend all this time, energy (and money) to make my condo my home, when we should be starting to think about building a home together.

i don't know why the whole thing left me feeling kind of sad. i don't know why, really.

it ended up coming down to this for now: we need to address the cats and how that's going to work. once that happens, i'll move my clothes and stuff over to his house, but will maintain my condo... until we decide otherwise.

and i sadi to him that it will always be "his house." especially while i still have my condo. and that can potentially get wierd. not that i really think so, but my past is rearing it's ugly head of memories which is probably why i'm freaking.

bottom line? i'm scared. but i don't really know why.