and so it goes: today

today is a hard day for me. today my dear dear friend would have turned 39. would have. passed tense. i still can't believe she's gone.

t was one of those people who just exuded goodness and kindness. the minute you met her you instantly loved her. she was like a sister to me.

august 2006 she got engaged to the man of her dreams. her whole life was ahead of her. they planned to get married the next fall. and then a few short months later in november she was diagnosed with cancer. everything changed.

despite the grueling treatment and uncertain future t remained the bubbly kind optimistic wonderful person she always had been. we had big plans for an "i kicked cancer's butt" party.

eventually she had to stop working and just focused on getting better. they were never -quite- able to figured out where the cancer originated. as such, they were never able to find a treatment that worked.

eventually she decided the chemo needed to stop. she couldn't take it anymore and it wasn't helping anyway, so why bother. i spoke to her the following week and she was as upbeat and happy as ever and was off to visit another friend for the day.

that was the last time i ever spoke to her.

a few days later alex was messing around with my cell phone when it rang. "it's miss t" he said. "answer it! say hello" he did and i saw his face fall. it was her husband. sobbing. telling us she was in the hospital... and it didn't look good.

i immediately started looking for flights. a mutual friend who only lives 2 hours away from t left immediately for the hospital. she didn't even make it there. that was march 28th.

rest in peace t. you had so many people who loved you and miss you so terribly. i am only grateful that your suffering is finally over and that you're in a better place watching over all of us. every time the sun shines i know it's you smiling down.