well, mostly. except for one minor detail that i have not shared with anyone.
i figured out why i was SO riled up about this case. i figured it out when i was home and unreasonably upset that the guy did not get convicted. so mcuh so i could not sleep. then i realized why.
basicaly the same thing happened to me. and i was 14 (like her). and he was 22 (like the guy). only it was letters (not IM) and we did meet. when i was 16. he came to my house (he lives in louisana and i was in nh then). and he forced himself on me.
it's not as bad as it sounds, it wasn't violent. i did cry. i did try to stop him. but i did feel like i owed him something thing, and i wasn't strong enough to fight him off.
it was wrong then and it was wrong in this case too. and i guess i wanted someone to pay. since i feel like no one ever did in my situtation either. and i know this event is part of the reason my mother and i never had a closer realtionship. i always felt like she shoud have protected me. and she never -- to this day -- has ever wanted to talk about what happened or even acknowledged it.
but i know she knows.
so today, i'm sad.
1 comment:
Men like this really make me angry. Why they feel it is their right to use their strength in violent ways is beyond me. Pathetic and rotten.
I'm sorry this happened to you as I'm sure it is something you'll never totally get over or forget. Then to have the added feelings towards your mom ... I'm sorry. That's about the only words I can find.
On a positive note, you look so pretty in this picture even tho you are melancholy. Hoping today is a better day for you.
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