so yes, it was fabulous to see all my friends, most of whom i had not seen since surgery (and even those i had it was a long time ago) so it was fun to hear their amazement and awe at how i look. really, that won't get tired. i think for the most part some of them are really sad right now with their lives and it's easy to forget that sometimes. i wish i would have gotten more time to talk to them individually. my sister about her divorce, marie about her maybe separation, etc etc, but who wants to talk about those things at a bridal shower? right. which was the other reason it was good for me, i didn't have to think about anything bad. just hanging with my friends having a GREAT time and relaxing.
then, of course, we have to leave. then i realize how sad i really am that my friends are so far away. and that even though i'll see them in 2 months, then what?? i can't even say the requisite, "i'll be home for christmas", as that's not happening anymore. when will i see them again? ugh. this is not good. and there was so much talk about "when/how many kids you guys gonna have?" which is a scary thing in and of itself, as i did get my mom's history of miscarriages, etc.... but then it brought up all the stuff i had conveniently stuffed away for the weekend.
as i said, if asked directly i will answer anyone's questions, but right now i'm not volunteering the information. well, as my sister is leaving she asks me. and for some reason i felt compelled to tell her. right there in trish's sun porch of my diagnosis. we talk a few minutes about it and she leaves on the verge of tears. trish sees this and asks me what's up as she caught part of the conversation. so i sit with trish and we talk about it for awhile. meanwhile i had left alex out on the patio with two drunk girls and eventually he starts looking for us so we were cut a little bit short. i did not tell him that i told anyone though, not yet.
still haven't told my mom. it was killing me the first few days but it's easier now. her and dad are leaving for australia soon and then she'll be here for a long weekend when i take her to see neil diamond and i have my first dress fitting. we talked about telling her then, but honestly i'm starting to think post-wedding is the best. by then there will only be a month to go and it will be so busy that it will be easy to forget... until we get back from the honeymoon and meet with the doctor to tell her our decisions.
we were working on wedding stuff last night and i noticed the book the doctor gave us was next to alex's computer. yep, back to reality.
but, let's leave on a high note today. it's a little blurry, but still cute.
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