tis the season

we decided the best thing to do for the grandparents this year was to finally go get some professional photos taken of their favorite little man. alex's mom has been giving me jc penney portrait coupons every time i see her. you think they want some?

so this past weekend we were luck enough to set up a time with my friend who is an amazing photgrapher. she shot our wedding and i cherish all of those photos, they are unbelievable.

the ones from the shoot this weekend are no different. she shot almost 400(!) and retouched and put almost 200 in a web gallery for us to choose from. so many wonderful shots. i'll post a few once we get the cd. but i wanted to share this one. we had talked while were at the studio about how much wes has changed, and how he used to look just like his dad. when we got back i sent her my favorite photo of him as a newborn, with his dad and they look so much like each other. she sent back one of them from the shoot. my goodness how he's changed!

thankful

when i think about how far i've come from the awful life i lived before moving to michigan (this time) i am so thankful. i am thankful for meeting alex, for the life we have. it's a so far away from where i was.

i am ever so thankful for our wonderful son. who amazes me eveyday with his charm, his curiosity and his love.

it's quite a thanksgiving this year.

someone is also 6 months old today. so much to be thankful for indeed.

another visit down

my mother left last night.

it's so strange, that i don't hear from her for years and how she visits every other day. or so it feels like.

it would be ok i guess, if she was helpful? or helped us with, er, anything. all that happens is she is here, eats all our food, expects us to pay if we eat out. and hold wes as long as he doesn't cry basically. not all that helpful, i have to say.

she will only buy him things on her terms. we need a sippy cup and formula? well she'll buy him a santa hat. (or won't, i guess, i don't know where that went to... but she had every intention on it.)

ah well. it's over for now. for a few weeks... at least next time my dad is coming too.

as for the little man, he's got a cold. poor little thing. can't breathe through his nose so he's having a hard time sleeping. called his doctor yesterday morning to find out what i could give him to help him. turns out only saline nose spray. so anyone tried to give that to a 6 mo old? holy mother of god was that torture. my mom was gone, alex was out for boys night and i had a SCREAMING screaming screaming baby on my hands. i have never ever heard this child scream as loud or as long as he did after the nose spray. i almost called the doctor. but i was afraid they'd send us to the ER so i opted to call alex instead. as he one of the guys he was out with is a father to a 3yo and 6 week old. i was yelling into the phone trying to have him hear me over wes to "just ask him! ask if he ever used nose drops, ASK!"

he called back to say, yes. and his son hated them but they were necessary. put them in and tip him back so they go in. so against my better judgment i put in more drops and tipped his little head back. either the tipping worked or he finally gave up because he passed out for a little while.

and so did i because that cold? we now share it.

anyway, i promised another picture from halloween. remember that holiday? seems like a long time ago. oh well, i'll post em anyhow. he's still cute.

happy halloween

doesn't he look thrilled?

he was actualyl a really good sport. more deatils and pictures later!

boo!

and this isn't even his costume. i can't wait to put him in it. we brought it to daycare because the Best Daycare Provider Ever that we have asked us to. She wants to take a group picture of all the kids dressed up. How cute will that be?

he was mad because i had just put on his orange striped socks. the kid hates socks. he can get them off in 2.5 seconds.

must every call to the doctor end in a trip to the ER?

that's what alex asked me the other day after i returned from the ER with our little guy.

it sure does seem that way. we've called off-hours twice and we've ended up in the ER twice. this time the little guy had been losing his food out of both ends and they wanted me to be sure he wasn't dehydrated. he wasn't. but it's still such a process. poor man. he hasn't been eating well, but can you blame him? as soon as he eats it comes back out. i hate that i can't wave my magic wand and fix him. we just need to wait it out. sigh.

pumpkin carving was fun, i'll post pictures when i have them. always great to hang out with good friends. we were going to do a little photo shoot with wes and pumpkins and leaves but it was, again, a dreary rainy day. the afternoon we spent in the ER was, of course, lovely. at least he's fine, if a little under the weather.

we have found the trick to him sleeping again is to be in bed with us. i would read about people who had their babies in bed with them and always though we'd NEVER do that. ha! the best laid plans... clearly he'll be sleeping with us until he's 15 but the key word there is SLEEPING. oh how i've missed it.

speaking of, someone was tuckered out after the hospital.

soggy

it's time for pumpkins again this year. last year we went picking with a lovely group of friends. we had really just found out we were going to be having a baby and we hadn't told anyone yet. when we were picking out our pumpkins alex leaned over and whispered to me that we should also get one for the little monkey. of course i couldn't resist.



this year we went with the same group. it was so different. the little baby that one friend had last year is now running around. we have wes and another friend has her new little girl (5 weeks old!) so it was a pretty cool thing. except see how sunny and wonderful it was last year? not so much this year. it started pouring as soon as we got to the pumpkin patch. you see wes is all snug in his sling next to his dad (really he's in there) but i had just gotten over an illness and we weren't properly dressed for the weather so the three of us ended up hanging out in the car while everyone else trekked out for their pumpkins. i think it was the right choice for us but i was still disappointed. i know wes is too little to care. next year will be more fun.

i plan to take lots of photos at the carving party this weekend, let's hope for nicer weather!

rock star

we're loving food over here. i tell you, i never thought he was going to be a huge kid, but at the rate he's going... i dunno. he loves rice cereal. isn't it supposed to be gross? aren't kids supposed to hate it? he much prefers it to the bananas, apples or carrots we've tried. and he prefers it thick. he's definitely got his own thing going on.

and i couldn't resist the onesie.

my lollipop

so the head thing? he's fine of course. just had a big head. i like to think it's because he's smart, naturally. :)

his new trick is squealing. loud. and it makes me laugh which just makes him do it more. and the eating thing? he's got that down. he's going to be a little battle tank.

i do feel like he's getting to a new level though, one where he knows how much he can't do yet and it's making him frustrated. he wants to move. he wants to get into things and he just can't really yet. and he hates it. is it wrong that it's kind of cute? ah well, all in good time. i know it goes so fast. i mean, we already had to buy him a convertible car seat as his infant one was barely holding him in. and with a coat? forget it. and with the weather going from 93 to 50 in 2 days, it's time for coats. and sneakers, and the cute hat his aunt made him.

mr. big head

my posts are so few and far between these days. work has been insanely busy and i just don't have any interest in being on the computer when i don't have to be.

today marked our second trip to the hospital with the little man. for an appointment at least, and not for an emergency. he had his 4 month check up last week and it was all good. except his percentiles jumped a lot. he went from being in the 15th or so overall to 50th in height and 75th in weight and 90th in head circumference. the latter is what caused us to be at the hospital today.

i guess a jump in head percentile can mean there's a fluid blockage somewhere. maybe. even though developmentally he's at least on par if not ahead of the game. and since his other areas did also increase, this was more precautionary. i guess since he's still got a good soft spot all he needed was an ultrasound. if we waited and they needed to check then it would lead to an mri with sedation. yeah, i'll take the ultrasound, thanks.

so here's my not-so-little man with his giant noggin in the jumper for the first time. he loves it.

because i am tired...

i'm going to post the email i just sent all my friends...

***

Most of you know what's been going on this week, some of you are probably just wondering why I disappeared.. in any rate, here's the lowdown on the little man.

Monday he was acting a bit out-of-sorts for him, and was pretty cranky throughout the day. We mostly thought it was gas, as that's the only thing that really upsets him. We did a bunch of running around an dig he wasn't sleeping he was kind of whining or generally unhappy. We skipped out plans for the evening and brought him home thinking he was tired/hot/whatever and that settling in would benefit him. Most of the day he would take his bottle but not really eat anything.

By 10 or so we were knew something wasn't right as he was unable to be consoled, but I took his temperature and it was normal. We talked about calling the doctor but what would we say? He's a little crabby, no temp, he's still eating and peeing..? But still, for him it wasn't right. At any rate by midnight he was clearly getting more worked up and I took his temp again to find it was 102.9, the peditrician was called immediately who sent us to the ER.

In triage his tempt was up to 103.3 on their system and we were brought into a room. The doctor, Jake, and the nurse, Lindsay, were really great. They did some basic tests and since there wasn't really anything obvious (ear infection, etc...) they said they wanted to take some blood. At this point I was still thinking that they'd give him some medicine and we'd go home.

Next thing I know they are talking xrays and when we'd be admitted. This was a bit of a shock to us. Since he's so young and has only had some of is shots, they needed to be extra careful with him. We had to get him a chest xray (I had to hold down his arms!) and they took blood but after giving him an IV(two tries! I hope the poor kid doesn't end up with his mom's crappy veins) and a catheterization. They kept telling us they hoped to find the reason for the fever in these tests because if they didn't they had to look for worse things and no one wanted that. So when, a short time later they cheerfully told us everything was negative I didn't share the joy! Because the next item on the list was a spinal tap to rule out a bacterial infection which could be deadly to him. They tried TWICE unsuccessfully in the ER and I'm pretty certain I'm still quite traumatized by this, luckily he doesn't remember.

After this we moved up to our room. I remember looking at the pediatric unit when we were there a few months ago and hated the look of the giant metal cribs... so I wasn't too pleased to be there ourselves such a short time later!

Anyway, they needed to try the tap again and this time they took him away, but were successful at least. They had him on IV antibiotics and fluids and had given him some motrin so at least he was resting. Poor guy. That's when they told us we needed to stay a minimum of 48 hours to watch all the cultures.

Well then, that was a shock! Let's say it was a long 4 days all in all but that his fever is down, nothing ever came back positive and the most they can come up with is that it's some random virus which could have been residue from our flight, or just someone (anyone) not washing their hands well enough before touching him. He needs to stay home from daycare, and we just need to be SUPER diligent in all that comes in contact with him.

Of course the whole ordeal left the poor guy set way back in his sleep progress. At the hospital he'd only sleep when held (mostly by me) which I totally understand... but last night we was up every 2 hours. The poor dude was so tired but couldn't stay awake long enough to eat enough to stay asleep. It was like he was a newborn all over again! Oh, and as an added bonus his eczema flared from being there too. We seem to have that batter already, just from the normal routine and being home, but sheesh!

We follow up the pediatrician at 11am today to see what's up, and if there's any more news to tell I'll share.

So that's where we've been all week!

***


edited to add... just got back from the doctor and all appears to be good. also? he's huge! 15.3 pounds!!! and he's all clear for daycare for monday.

3 months old?

when did that happen? that seems to be all i'm saying these days, isn't it?

let's go over the highlights:

• schedule still going well with work.


• we took our first PLANE RIDE for my annual company get-together


• he sleeps on average 7 hours a night. in a row.

can you believe it? i sure can't.

everyone that met him at the retreat loved him instantly. of course. he's so chill and laid back. he only got upset when he was over tired. which was easily remedied. flying was cake, alex and i are a rockin' team. on the flight there he nursed on take off and landing and slept during the flight. on the way home he nursed on take off then fell asleep and stayed asleep through landing, deplaning, baggage pick-up, the trek to the car, the drive home, everything.

his nh grandparents were happy to see him. it was my dad's first time meeting him, so he was pretty psyched. overall i think it was a pretty successful trip! go us!

not much else to say. he's got pretty good head control but no rolling or anything quite yet, but soon. and with the amount of drool he produces, i'm wondering how far away teeth are going to be!

here's mister smiley after his lotion application post-bath. we couldn't ask for anyone better!

back to work

i can't believe how fast 10 weeks have passed.

i started work again this monday. and, trust me, i know how lucky we are to both be working at home. originally, we had planned to keep wes home with us until he got mobile. but then we started thinking... if i couldn't manage to check my email sporadically with him home all day, how was i going to work?

so we started looking into daycares. first of all, i hate the thought of starting him this soon. i do. and no centers do part time we found out. at least not the kind of part time we wanted (mornings or afternoons as opposed to only 2 full days a week). then my SIL told me about this service here in MI where you can fill out a form with the type of daycares and locations you are looking for and then send you back a list of all the licensed ones that match your criteria.

lo and behold a few days later my email had this nice list of in-home licensed daycares RIGHT HERE IN OUR SUB! perfection!

having no other way to narrow, we started narrowing simply by daycare names. we're not particularly religious, so ones like "heavenly hands of god" got weeded out pretty quickly. (i have nothing against it, it's just not our thing).

we settled on one and called. ok, alex called. i have a huge phone phobia. it's bizarre and strange. just let it go. so we set up an appointment and went.

it was perfect. she's about our age. has two boys (3 and 5) and only watched one other girl (9 mos). plus her older son is starting school in the fall. and, of course, she fell i love with wes immediately, obviously.

oh, and the best part? we could do any schedule we wanted. so we opted for the 4-hour a day, part time option and he goes from 8:30-12:30 every day.

and can i tell you it's been better than imagined? she's so great and loves him and keeps him stimulated and busy all morning so that when we pick him up, i feed him and then he naps FOR THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON. and this doesn't even mess up his night tie sleeping. in fact, he's pretty much on a schedule now. who knew!

of course now i've cursed it.

so, basically, the transition seems to be working.

and now i even have a little helper!

wesley

i can't believe the little guy is already 9 weeks old. where has the time gone?

i had wanted to post about his birth, but it seems like a lifetime ago. i still want to get it up though, in case i forget the details. although now that seems unlikely.

at any rate... as i had said we dropped my mother off at the airport about 6pm. about 8 our friend brent came over to watch the pistons game with us and to bring some of alex's favorite pizza. and even as i ate a slice i remember thinking, i hope this doesn't come back to haunt my later. i had been having contractions a little around then but since i had pretty much been having them for weeks i didn't think much of it. we started watching the game and they were coming a lot harder and faster. but again, this wasn't unusual or me. i started to get uncomfortable and decided to head up to bed. it was around 9:30. i figured i'd take the doctor's advice and take some benadryl and lay down. as i had been doing about every night for 2 weeks. about 30 minutes later i realized that not only wasn't i asleep but these contractions were a lot more painful than the ones that had gotten me admitted previously. but after having been admitted twice, i was a little gun shy about heading to the hospital.

at any rate, i decided to call down for alex and tell him that something was going on. he sent brent home and then we debated about calling the doctor. once i stopped being able to talk to him we called and waited for a call back... and waited... and waited. it was probably about 10:30 and i was now quite vocal with each contraction. alex decided it was time to go and i found that i had a really hard time walking at this point. i got into the car and we took the longest 10 minute ride tot he hospital ever. i know he hit every red light and felt so helpless as i was writing in pain and moaning really loudly.

when we got there he pulled up to the door and ran in for a wheel chair. their was a woman at the desk that took me as he went to park and wheeled me to the elevator. i remember her asking if we should wait for him and i was like "no! he knows where to go!" but somehow he came bolting into the lobby right before the doors closed. when we got to the floor, it was, of course, crowded. the last two times it had been deserted. he filed out the papers as i tried not to be too loud with the waiting room full. i remember wondering why it was taking them so long to get me into triage.

once we were in it was really hard to get undressed as the contractions were coming practically on top of each other. there was no break at all between them. when they finally checked me, i was already 6cm dilated. that made me think two things immediately. one, this was real and they were going to keep me this time. and, two, i hope to god i wasn't going to miss my window of opportunity for an epidural.

they started moving quicker to get me over to l&d. they ended p having to wheel me down on the gurney as i couldn't move enough to walk or get into the wheelchair. i kept asking about the epidural and they kept assuring me that i was "doing amazing!" i kept thinking this is their way of telling me it's too late! and then the anesthesiologist appeared. it was a few moments after she got the epidural in that the whole thing became a much different experience. i was smiling at my nurses who i hadn't even been able to look at before. i had no pain. and even better was the news that my contractions were still regular and strong and that now it was time for us to get some rest, as it was still going to be hours. and i needed to get all my energy together for the hours of pushing ahead.

i had just gotten comfortable when barely minutes later i opened my eyes to 6 people standing over me. apparently the baby wasn't recovering fast enough after the contractions for their liking and they wanted to put in an internal monitor. sounded ok to me. only when they did it they told me "you're fully dilated, it's time to push."

what? what happened to the hours it was going to take to get there? what about my nap? i couldn't believe it was happening so fast. but since i had just gotten the drugs, i couldn't yet eel my legs enough to get into position to push, so they had to wait. it was a surreal experience having the nurse and alex there, just hanging out, and the doctor and med student hanging out by the end of the bed. my doctor was sitting on the bed massaging me and just chatting with everyone. the lights were low and it was really so surreal. where were the frantic births you see on tv? i asked the doctor what was going on and apparently the baby's head was visible and "there's a lot of hair."

next thing i knew it was time to push. they told me when i had a contraction and there were 3 pushes for every contraction. because the baby was slow to recover they had me push every other contraction. by the second set, suddenly half the bed was gone, the doctors were covered in protective clothing and in position. the third set was about to begin. halfway through the second push she told me to stop pushing. i panicked and asked why... and then i heard him cry. that was it. it was that easy. next think i know i hear "it's a boy" and he's on my chest.

the rest was a blur. i vaguely knew alex was cutting the cord, there some talk about placenta, but there he was. and i couldn't believe it.

***

it's been a crazy two months since he's been part of our family. we know his cries (mostly gas), how to make him happy (walks in his pouch and nursing) and what he hates (baths). there's been some disappointments, like that i can't produce enough milk (1/2 ounce at best), but we still nurse, because he likes it. he's almost doubled in size how and has the little pudgy cheeks and thighs. the best thing is that he's starting to smile. i don't care how tired you are and how much you'd rather be sleeping then getting a bottle at 3am, when he looks at you with that big gummy grin there's truly nothing greater.

i'm sad that this is my last week on maternity leave. i can't believe i have to start work again. i know we have it better than most, both working at home. and that my boss is going to work with me as we figure out the schedule and how its' all going to work, but it's still hard. i don't think i'd like to not work, but it still seems so very soon to be starting.

the next big challenge we'll have to face is our first flight as a family next month. yikes!

quickly...

here are a few photos, the rest are still on the camera...

my mother comes back tomorrow. *sigh*

he's here!

i have the smartest child ever. i dropped my mother off at he airport at 6:30pm. contractions started at 8, and we were admitted by 11pm. he was born at 3:54am. here's the pertinent info:

wesley michael
may 22, 2007
5lbs 4.5oz
19in long

and he's perfect. he's got so much hair! so dark, so long and curly. he's definitely got his dad's hair. i hope he doesn't lose it.

everything was so... easy. and fast. it's all really surreal. we go home today, in a few hours. alex has run out to grab a few things then we'll wrap up and head home. then it all gets real!

i'll document the story with pictures soon. :)

the good, the bad, and the... same

38 week check up today. and i'm STILL THE SAME. this kid so doesn't want to come out. nevermind i have contractions constantly and regularly and now work with a heating pad strapped to my back. oh yeah, i'm that cool.

nevermind the fact that every week i go they always tell me, "next week we can help you." as in, when i was admitted at 36 weeks, they'd break my water... if i was 37 weeks. then when i was admitted at 37 weeks, they'd induce me... if i was 38 weeks. then i kid you not alex and i burst out laughing when they told me today that 39 weeks was when they could think about intervening.

although my appointment today was with my all time favorite doctor, who was on call the second time i was admitted. who came in even though he didn't have to to see me. he kind of walked in the exam room sheepishly and was like "hey guys... how ya doin?" it was cute. then while we listened to the heart he asked if we were renaming the kid to "stubborn." i do love him. i hope he delivers this kid. you know, if it ever happens.

i was a little concerned about having lost about 5 lbs over the last week and a half. but he said it wasn't cause for concern. so that's good, i guess.

the best news though? MY MOTHER IS LEAVING TONIGHT. in a few hours no less. after my appointment last week she bought a ticket for today (since i had another appointment) if there was "no change." she wasn't all too pleased when i told her we were going to the appointment alone. yes, that's right, she insisted on coming last week. that was fun. really the biggest reason is that i wanted to take whatever the docotor did say and play it up in my favor to her.

for example, he said they wouldn't induce me (without anything happened on my end) until 41 weeks. i definitely played that up with her. saying basically that he thought i was going to need it. she was supposed to come back on saturday but i suggested she wait until WE CALL HER like i told her in the first place. and we'll of course call her just a little bit too late, if you know what i'm saying.

we are so delighted to be alone again tonight. and that we're going to do everything we can to encourage this baby to come SOON. before she has a chance to get back here. she has been... trying. and we really do want to do this on our own.

i hate waiting

i think alex and i are probably two of the most impatient people on the planet. we're planners and doers and hate the limbo phase. i remember with the wedding, we had everything we could possibly have done, done with a few months to spare and then we had to wait. and wait. and it was excruciating.

that's how we both feel now. only worse.

i know, i know. only a few more weeks at most. but i think because i progressed so far so quickly it's doubly irritating. of COURSE i want what's best for the baby, and clearly monkey isn't ready to make an appearance. i used to think people who planned c-sections were crazy. but i swear it makes so much more sense to me now! (not that i'm going to do it, but, you know.)

next appointment is monday. my mother bought a ticket home for monday night. she says she'll use it if there's no indication of any progress and will come back after. i feel bad about the whole thing, but i did tell her initially that it would be better to wait. but still... having her here is... ok. my limit with visits with her were always 3 days before i got irritated and needed it to end. we're on day 6 now. and considering how miserable i am on top of everything else, it's not so bad.

forgot to say

i had my regular check-up yesterday. all the stats are, unfortunately, the same. the room was about 300 degrees and i was totally dying.

the doctor was really nice, i liked her. she gaveme some tips to help me be more comfortable. although she did say they wouldn't help me until 38 weeks. *sigh*

i'm still having contractions, but not like they were. and she said that they need to be way worse than what i've had. and to stay home as long as i possibly could stand it, if i wanted to avoid being sent home again. makes sense, but sheesh.

now if only my water would break... :)

it can't be that much longer...right? right?!!?

the only thing worse...

than the other night is it happening all over again.

i was havng major contractions all day yesterday. after 10 hours of them and having them be less than 2 minutes apart for about 2 hours, and walking and hydrating and talking to the doctor (my favorite one was on call! i thought it was a sign!) we went back in. (all three of us, since my mom is here now) and they kept me again. and this time gave me morphine and a sleeping pill to rest as it was about 10pm by then.

and then let me go at 5am. i was so exhausted (sleeping pill/morphine really did nothing) and frustrated and overwhelmed i was just sobbing for hours. it was fun. the resitdent was a jerk and said things like "why are you so upset?" but not in a nice way. she needs to work on her bedside manner...

at any rate... who knows what's going on now. they led me to believe at 37 weeks they would help me along (today) but that wasn't the case.

so here i am, utterly exhausted, disappointed, frustrated and still dealing with the contractions. oh, and whiling away my maternity leave already. fab.