eyes

well no real update yet. i realized yesterday that my left eye is starting to be affected as well. i've called the docotrs so many times that i really didn't knwo what to do anymore. then i remembered that i had the NOs email address. mmmmm. so i composed an email to him basically saying i was concerned that since i haven't been able to get anyone to give me vitamin a shots that irreparable damage was happening and that i was really concerned and sinc ei dind't see him for 2 more weeks, what did he think.

well, not only did he email me right back. within an hour. while he was out of state. he also knew my case, and the results of those awful tests i had on my birthday. i was VERY impressed. although it didn't give me much news, and after the happiness of getting the respnse wore off i started reading too much into his email. apparently the tests did show it's optic nerve problems and not retinal problems. in some ways, this is good, i take this that it has noting to do with surgery or vitamin deficiencies from surgery. that would have been retinal damage. but, i take that to mean that leber's is definitely in the running as that's optic nerve related. i need to check out of ms affects the optic nerve or the retina. i'd like that to be ruled out.

the only other thing he said was that there was "thing to consider now" that he "needed to discuss with me in person, and sooner than the 28th" yikes.

ok and i already know that alex is amazing and non-flaky and totally my partner for life, but the prospect of me going blind or having some awful disease would be enough to shake him, you'd think. especially before we're married. one of his brothers developed ms after the was married for a few years and his wife left him. not that i think he woould, but of course the idea of saddling him with this seems unfair to me -- if it even is that. you know what his response was after i foound out that it might be ms? he says to me that well if it is, it's still really early on. and you know, if that's the case, we should probably move up when we wanted to have kids before i got too sick. man. what do you even say to that? nothing i guess, it jsut made me cry.