today's verdict

at least 3cm dilated and 75% effaced.

IF i went until my due date the baby would be about 7-7.5lbs.

although he didn't commit to saying i'd be early, how can it be three more weeks?

my mom is deciding when she wants to come out. i'm ready for monkey, i'm not sure i'm ready for her...

at any rate, here's the nursery as it stands now. we're getting a valence, and i still need to paint leaves on that flower "stem" and bees on the walls and hand the shelves and that cute little monkey picture thing alex found. but i'm not sure everything is arranged the way i want it yet though... cuz i'm fickle like that.

waiting...

so close, yet so far still... i really am ready for this little one to make an appearance. i have a new leg problem. i think the little one is on a nerve or something because now my right leg will just spasm, hurt like hell, and give out simultaneously. it's quite fun. you can imagine what i look like when this happens! and if that weren't enough, my air bed, my godsend, my love... DIED. it will no longer hold inflation. no idea why. it's not a good thing at all! we're had it less than 2 months, this really isn't fair. it couldn't hold out a few more weeks? rrrr.

in fun news, i had been trying to convince my husband we should get some cleaning help. mainly because i really suck at it (i'm not a very good housewife at all) and i'll admit, i used the baby as a bargaining chip. as in, people will be visiting and he really doesn't want me doing alllllll thaaaaaat work, does he? ok, that makes me sound bad, but seriously, we got a great referral. that was totally beyond reasonable. but he still didn't seem on board. but that little sneak went behind my back and sent it up to surprise me. she comes tomorrow! i'm excited! but also scared. i mean, i know our house isn't so horrible, but i feel like it is. i have to hold myself back from cleaning in advance. luckily my leg will help that.

i also realized i hadn't really shared any pictures of my belly. weird. wasn't intentional. although it's much cuter clothed. you really don't want to see it otherwise. trust me.

so here's a point of comparison... since everyone keeps telling me i'm not big enough to be due in a few weeks.

here's 8 weeks versus about 35. what do you think?

any time now

just got back from our 35 week appointment. had the first check of how things are really going, since i've been having mad contractions. at least 50% effaced and 2cm dilated. apparently the contractions i'm having are being very effective and monkey is in perfect position (did you really expect less? ha!)

he said he has a few patients that are already past their due dates that aren't in as good of shape as i am already.

i think we're definitely looking at a may baby... woah!

i laugh in the face of uncomfortable

ha ha ha HA.

remember when i said i was uncomfortable? that was before what i started what i assume are braxton-hicks contractions. and before i realized i have zero clothes to wear for the sudden 80 degree weather. not that i'm complaining about the warm weather. not at all. but hot flashes plus long sleeve shirts, plus 80 degree weather? not fun. also when you have to go to a birthday party where there are about 40 people jammed into a little room without proper ventilation or cooling on said 80 degree day.

ah well. it's all good. it was actually really interesting seeing the "other" side of the family yesterday. (alex's dad's side, we don't get to see them often enough). every person there could not believe i only have SIX WEEKS left because i am "so tiny." i'm not sure who they were looking at, but... whatev. all except his dad. who proclaimed that i was "so big" now. uh, i guess that's better? it was cute when he got there that he came up to me with open arms... to wrap around my belly to say hello to monkey. yeah, no one cares about me anymore :)

the sad part for me was that everyone was asking when my shower was because they wanted to come. well, i have one THIS WEEKEND but it's more for my friends and alex's sisters/mom (yes his mom is coming after all). the two sides always stay kind of separate so i never thought of asking them to come. plus, they all stay in the detroit area and don't venture over to where we are much. but it didn't help me feel any less uncomfortable. we've decided after monkey arrives we'll have a little get together for that side of the family.

anyhow, so said clothes crisis (yes, it had me in tears on saturday morning) led to a trip to the maternity store in the mall (since the only old navy maternity is kind of a haul) where my husband (bless his patience) spent what had to be an hour bringing stuff to me in the dressing room. none of which fit correctly. also, i refuse to spend full-price for ridiculously over-priced clothing that will barely wear. yeah, i know. after all that we left with a pair of capris. they're great, but sheesh. that's it?

in other news, the nursery is still jammed with crap. the guest room still isn't done. (although it's close! i've been promised i can expect it to be done by this weekend). and i am looking forward to my little shower this weekend. should be fun!

33 weeks

today i'm 33 weeks along. when did that happen? seriously? my word.

we had a doctor appointment this morning. with the doctor that criticized my weight last time. i hadn't said anything to my regular doctor (although i kind of wanted to), and i wasn't really looking forward to seeing this doctor again. (especially after the chocolate bunny incident, which we don't really need to go into...ahem.)

at any rate, after chatting and listening to the heartbeat he tells me that everything is perfect, even my weight. he then said that he apologized for being "bad cop" last time i saw him, but that he was pleased to see when i was. huh. go figure.

at any rate, next appointment in 2 weeks when they will check my cervix (!!) and see where things are headed. holy crap that sounds so... final. doesn't it? man.

in other news, alex's mom bought us our travel system yesterday. we put together the stroller last night. that makes things real. looking at them in the store is one thing. actually driving it around our living room and then loading into your trunk (proving to your husband you're not a weakling and really CAN lift it all my yourself, even 8 months pregnant) is something entirely different.

we also have a breast feeding class tonight. we picked a pediatrician. you know, i think this is really going to happen.

uncomfortable

i've hit the very uncomfortable phase i think. monkey seems so big, so heavy. i can't tie my shoes, or even put them on that well. sleeping is becoming an issue again. my maternity clothes are starting to be too small... and it's friggin snowing -- HARD -- in mid-april, which not only is depressing but i'm sick again too.

and as ready as i am to be done with pregnancy, we're so not ready to have the baby at home. yes, yes, i know it will all work out... but someone *ahem* seems to have lost his drive on finishing the upstairs. this means that the guest room is empty, with no floor and all the crap (and i mean CRAP, the guest room used to be our we-have-nowhere-to-put-this-so-dump-it-in-there room) that was in the (larger) guest room previously is jammed into the nursery. yes, the nursery. the nursery that i so desperately want to finish. that i want to paint bees on the walls, that i want to make up the crib... that i want to hang little clothes in... that i just generally want READY. and i can't do a thing about it.

he was supposed to work on it this weekend. and even admitted he's feeling very far behind in preparations. problem? a friend of his (who is going through a divorce) is coming up from ohio this weekend. and our week-from-hell (classes! appts! doctors!) starts this weekend too... so basically, another weekend shot.

i'm frustrated. i don't know what to do. i'd work on it myself, but i can't.

oh, and my ob appt this coming monday? they scheduled me with the doctor who criticized me about my weight when i saw him. can't wait! (and yes, that means i'm obsessing. i can't help it...)

but i don't like teal...

You Are Teal Green

You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you. Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible. While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks. Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

What Color Green Are You?

par for the course

well i talked to my mom. for an hour and a half last night.

it went much as i expected. that is, we didn't address anything.

i wanted to take my cures from her, since she was the one who initiated the contact. she hadn't been feeling well (bronchitis) so we talked about that a little, then it basically turned into a catch up session. there were a few "digs" here and there, but it was mostly how i remember talking to her being. a lot about her, and not so much about anything i had to say. same ol, same ol.

the only reference to us not talking (oh, besides her asking me where i work now -- i've been at my new job 8 months) was when she mentioned she had been having lots of dreams about grandpa (her dad, the one i was really, really close to my entire life and i still miss terribly) and i mentioned i had too. and her theory for this was that he was trying to tell us we needed to talk. that was kinda sweet, in her way.

she also asked if i wanted her to come out when the baby was born.

when it was time to go, it was a little awkward. there was a weird pause then she was like "bye" and that was it. uh, ok.

then she called me this morning, to tell m e they think she has pneumonia now. for the record, we used to talk every single morning on my ride into work (when i had one) about whatever. so this was an old pattern. she did however say that she was glad we talked yesterday and that she had missed talking to me.

so, that's all i got.

sunshine and breezes

man, i've thought for awhile that i have some form of S.A.D. and i have to believe it's true. my attitude the last few days had done a complete 360. not that i was in a particularly bad mood, but it's amazing that sitting in my new office (with my gargantuan new monitor that i have yet to hook up but clearly is much too large for my desk..) next to the windows, with them WIDE OPEN at 8am, sunshine pouring in, birds chirping and a cool breeze coming in is amazing.

please don't take it away.

i know the weather is supposed to turn again, but i will stay in my state of bliss as long as i can. although the crash is going to be rough.

proof that my attitude is totally different? i'm not at all phased by two things that would normally have me all grumpy and moody. one, i woke up with a cold. and two, i'm going to be talking to my mother this evening.

i should have plenty to say tomorrow.

what's going on with mothers?

mine "wants to talk"

more to come as it develops...

happenings

let's talk about my MIL.

she's great, i love her to pieces. she just spent over two months in france with alex's old brother, wife and 2 kids that live there. apparently the wife was suffering from some pretty major PPD and they were in desperate need of help (kids just turned 1 and 3). so she dropped everything and flew over to help. no small feat for an almost 70-year-old with a bad hip and no hearing in one ear to be taking care of 2 small ones by herself, in a foreign country, in a small 2 bedroom apt that is a 4th floor walk up.

we'd email and she'd reassure me that she's be back in plenty of time for the birth, etc, although i wasn't concerned about it, i knew she would be, but the gesture was sweet.

so, that brings us to this past week. she just got back about a week ago. last thursday, alex says to me "oh i got an email from (SIL) who didn't want to tell you directly, but she talked to mom and she can't come to the shower anymore. (SIL) thought you'd be upset, but i told her you would be ok."

now, i hate to say it, but i'm not. i'm hurt. i was practically in tears. i blame it mostly on hormones, but here's the think. my MIL isn't going to come to the shower because the play group that she volunteers for had play practice that day. so she's going to that. she's not in the play, she's a co-producer or something, but that really upset me. i understand the shower isn't an emergency, or anything, but is it too much ot ask to have one grandmother there?? alex said something like "well she did leave them high and dry when she went to france, so..." and i understand commitments, i do... but i'm still upset about it.

SIL is livid and is trying to get her to come. but now the part of me that says "well clearly she's made her choice and i don't want her to come if she doesn't want to" had kicked in. sigh.

what i didn't need to hear

yesterday was week 29/30 OB appointment. it was with one of the doctors we had not yet met. he seemed nice enough. we listened to the heartbeat. he told me all my tests well all fine, everything was perfect. he even indulged me in telling me which way monkey was facing, just because i was curious.

then as we were wrapping things up, telling me we were moving to the every-two-week appointments now he tells me that i should be careful. careful of what you may ask? MY WEIGHT. this caught me a little by surprise. apparently, gaining 20 pounds so far is cause for caution? with 10 weeks or so left? man alive, i thought i had done well! my goal was to stay under 35 and i figured i was right on track. he told me that "i would be happier if i stayed with a weight gain under 30." oh, would i? thanks for the news flash.

now, i try very hard not to obsess about weight and i will be honest that gaining weight is weird for me, given my history. however, with the circumstances i know i need to. i'm not crazy, i swear. but that comment got under my skin. you hear of so many people who gain so much more with pregnancies. for hours after i kept saying that i couldn't BELIEVE i got the weight warning.

i'm really trying not to let it mess with me, but apparently i'm not doing a really good job of that, am i?

ugh.

it IS march, right?

why do we get teased with two days of 70 degree weather and then i wake up to snow? this is hardly fair.

also? i'm certain i'll now get (another) cold. perfect.

ah, sleep, how i missed you!

i think in all my talk about T over the weekend i forgot something else that happened... i found a way to get sleep!

while staying at M's longer than planned i got to sue her air bed. now, before you get mad that she put the pregnant lady on the air bed, it was at my insistence, because i'm like that. at any rate, i slept so well saturday night (er, sunday morning) that i couldn't believe it! i chalked it up to being utterly exhausted after all the events... but sunday was the same! i realized the air bed gave me the give in my hips that i needed. needless to say, we purchased one on the way home from the airport.

i do miss sleeping with my husband even though we set it up right next to the regular bed and they are almost the same height, but i'd rather take the sleep right now. although it seems the more i get, the more i want. apparently i'm quite greedy. case in point yesterday, i slept quite well (saturday had been a long day with the far away all-day class, and stopping at a friend's house on the way home for awhile)... we got up at a reasonable hour, even with the stupid time change, and i made breakfast then could barely make it back up the stairs before i needed a nap! and i slept until noon! unheard of!

we then had a packed day full of painting and set up in the office and a trip to IKEA in which we spent way too much money, and then i was back laying down by 7! bizarre. and then i could barely get up this morning!

but i'll still take the sleep. maybe i'm making up for missing so much the last 8 months...

brilliance

we have our childbirth education class tomorrow, all day. when they called me this week to confirm and let us know what we needed to bring it seemed odd. like the information they gave just didn't seem right. i'm quite familiar with our hospital and the directions on where to go just seemed to not jive.

we were in the car at the time of the call, so when we got home alex checked the site to see what was up... turns out i had signed up for the class... at the WRONG hospital. not the one that is 5 minutes from our house, no, no. i signed us up at the class that is almost an HOUR from our house.

of course, all the classes are now full so we go to this or we miss out on it. seems like we'll be getting up early tomorrow! so much for meeting some locals...

perspective

well my trip to connecticut certainly was interesting!

i left hoping alex was going to get some work done on the house in my absence as i was really starting to get stressed out about it...

i arrived wednesday and i was pretty busy on the project i'm working on through friday. friday the rest of the company (including my team) started arriving and that was really great. it's the first time all four of the people in my group were all together and it was really nice to be able to talk to everyone together. one of my coworkers got to see just how crazy the PM i'm working with is so that was also a bonus. generally it was a nice time. everyone went out partying after our reception at the hotel but i took my pregnant self to bed!

saturday was the all-day meeting which was about as thrilling as an all-day meeting can be. i realized in our division of the company (about 65 people) there are FOUR women total. that was kind of surprising to see, but i guess i shouldn't have been that shocked.

after that i packed up and headed over to my friend's house who was hosting my mini-shower. i was very excited for it and to see her and my another good friend who was driving down for the party from new hampshire. both of us were arriving early so we could spend time together before the rest of the people came.

M (the host) had just finished setting things up and we were hanging in the kitchen chatting waiting for T to arrive. she had called about 15 minutes before so we knew she was close. shortly thereafter the doorbell rang... which we thought was odd, no one really uses the doorbell, they usually just come right on up. of course we expected T but it was actually one of M's neighbors from across the street. telling is that we needed to come outside.

turns out the T was turning left into M's driveway and didn't see the SUV coming right at her...

by the time they had come to get us, the neighbor, who was a pediatric nurse, had pulled T out of the car since it was smoking badly and she didn't appear to have head/neck injuries. her car was completely totalled and she was sitting on a chair witha blanket and a cloth for her face (she had gotten cuts and burns from the impact/airbag.)

all in all it could have been much worse! but wo much has happened to T in the last few months that this was just completely unbelievable. ii ended up riding with her to the hospital in the ambulance while M contacted everyone to tell them the party was off and them et us the ER.

they ended up keeping her for a few days, she did have some internal injuries but should be just fine. i ended up rescheduling my flight so i could stay longer. it was just insanity.

when alex picked me up that airport he finally told me that while i was gone, he had worked on the floor.. and had accidentally punctured a water pipe which resulted in water going through all levels of the house. he fixed the pipe amazingly and the other real damage was the giant hole in the ceiling on the first floor he had to make in order to drain the water and get to the pipe. at that point, all i could do was laugh. really in the scheme of things? not that big of a deal. not after what T had gone through over the weekend! i can't imagine why he didn't want to tell me while i had been calling him from the ER with updates.

funny how your perspective can change so drastically in such a short time, isn't it?

and in the end, this is what i got to be surprised with!

nothing's changed

unfortunately, the damage i did with yoga - compounded i'm sure by a ever-growing monkey - has left me in roughly the same, if not worse, shape than i was prior to starting physical therapy. it's very upsetting. also that i will have to stop going soon as my insurance only covers so many visits and i need to save some for after the birth and we've pretty much already wiped our out medical expenses account (as we didn't foresee this!). ah well. i'll have to make do with what i've got.

as for house progress, well, we made some. we got the floor ready, got the rosin paper down, got all the door jams trimmed, the first few rows cut... we were ready for the tool yesterday. we went and rented it, got home and it was not set to the right thickness, and i guess that home depot's tech was out so no one could fix it.

another day down.

*sigh*

in happy news we got our first gifts off the registry. from my boss no less, who will be attending my east-coast shower this weekend. it was very unexpected, especially since the gifts were multiple and more than i would have ever imagined.

only downside? the baby superstore shipped the wrong item. like in a bad way wrong. and of course our local one doesn't carry the line so we trekked all around to different ones (once we realized no progress could be made on the floor of course) to find it. i have a bad track record with picking things that are later discontinued or hard to find, once locked into them (like say, bridesmaid dresses, wedding favors, etc..) so once we had the wrong item, that was no longer available online, that two stores didn't have, alex was on a mission.

i'm happy to report the appropriate mobile is now safely in our living room.

other than that, i feel like i have so much to do before getting on that plane wednesday morning. did i mention i hate to fly? at least it's going to be mid-40s in ct... allegedly.

oh and i added a countdown clock. tried to make ut as unoffensive as possible, man i hate those things.

my new BFF and other things

so i finally got to the doctor who referred me to the PT place and omg. there was no reason for me being in that kind of pain for 2 months. i've been to my therapist 3 times and heidi is so my new BFF. the place itself is amazing, i love it and she's awesome. the adjustments are so minimal but guess what? i can WALK! i can SLEEP (better) and i don't have intense pain every night and throughout the day! it wasn't "normal" which i figured. one side of my pelvis was just locked and not moving while the other side was moving more than it should have. it's amazing how little made such a big difference. it's amazing.

in other news monkey news, latest appointment yesterday measures me at 26 weeks (slightly ahead of schedule) and other than that, all is well! the little one is moving around like mad, although he has a certain love of the right side of my belly and hangs out there all the time. its the funniest thing. even heidi has a hard time working on that side of my body, he won't budge! i'm like, dude, you need to spread out eventually or you're going to run out of room! i hear he's about 2 pounds right now. that's insanity.

i finally got set up in the my prenatal yoga class and guess what? i can't do it anymore! i mean it was hurting me before i got hooked up the PT, but EVERYTHING hurt so i didn't think much of it. i went last night (after a few miracle PT sessions) and i completely undid all the good we had done! i was miserable all night and at my appointment this morning heidi was like "what did you do to yourself!?!?!" who knew!?!? so, no more yoga. ah well.

as far as the house, we finally got the nursery painted. the smallest room in the entire house took the longest to paint AND the most paint. whatever was on the walls sucked as a base. but it's done. the floor? not so much... remember when i predicted the nursery and office would be done by the end of february? no dice there. someone isn't making a lot of progress... he knows that he has to this weekend or things are going to get ugly...

because 102 DAYS and counting. my god.

i leave for CT next wednesday which will be nice to see my friends one last time until who knows when!

i'm nothing if not punctual

yes, these pictures are almost 4 weeks old now... it's not my fault. it's set up so alex has to scan. i'm not incompetent, in fact i have to tell him the settings all the time for what i want. i really don't know why it's set up this way. ah well. here they are.. finally. the cutest little face and foot ever!

117 days

yeah, that's what one of the pregnancy sites told me today. 117 days until my due date. people, that's almost in the two-digit range.

my next ob appt is in 2 weeks, after that? the EVERY TWO WEEK appts begin. next week is our hospital tour. i had been toying with the idea of taking a lamaze class, but between our schedule of classes, work trips and the fact you have to end it at least one month before you due date left us UNABLE TO SCHEDULE ONE.

i'm totally freaking out. alex was the wreck at the beginning and now we're flip flopping. we're going to be buying a crib soon. you know, as soon as it's warm enough to GO OUTSIDE. what is with this weather? yeah, yeah, i know. winter in michgian. exactly why i don't want to live here! it IS in the double digits today so i guess i should not complain... much.

no more progess on the nursery since this weekend. we've both been working late. we were going to tackle it tongiht, but my yoga class is back on! yay! so alex will be solo. bets on progress? i say non, but i try to give him the benefot of teh doubt... we'll see when i get home!